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| Posted by Mindy L. Haag on 14-Aug-2005 | five ballsone day a man walks into a bar and says he wants to make a bet.
the bartender knowing the man always loses a bet asks him what
he is betting on.the man tells him he is gonna bet that he has
three nuts. the bartender says well i am going to take your side
on this one. so the man stands up and says me and the bartender
bet 1000 dollars a piece that between the two of us we have five
balls. just then the bartender pulls out this .45 magnum and
says mother fucker you better have four.
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| Posted by Francisco on 14-Aug-2005 | Whore HouseOne day a man walked into a Whore House and told the woman
behind the counter he wanted to eat pussy since he's never done
it before. She told the man to go down the hall to room 5. So he
went to room 5 and he saw a beautiful woman inside, he walked in
and started eating her pussy. After a while some corn came out
of it, but since it was his first time he thought it was normal
and just kept going. Soon after that a half eaten carrot came
out. Now he was a little worried but he just kept going. Then
a few minutes later a big piece of beef came out.
So then he asked the woman "Are you sick or something?"
The woman replied "No but the guy before you was."
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| Posted by David G. Romriell on 14-Aug-2005 | Cinderella Re-MixOne day when Cinderella was doing her chores, a letter came in
the mail about a ball that was going to be that night. So she
thought, wow, I get to go to my first ball! Right before she was
about to go and get changed one of her step-sisters came and
grabbed the letter out of her hand. Her step-sister told her
she wasn't aloud to go, but she wanted to go so bad!!! That
night while the ball was going on, her fairy godmother came and
told her she will make her a different person so she could go to
the ball.
"That is not the problem fairy godmother," Cinderella said
"What is," asked the godmother
Cinderella then said, "I have my period, so I don't want to
bleed all over the place."
Her Godmother said, "Well that is an easy problem to solve, I
will give you a magic tampon, but when the clock strikes 12:00
it will turn into a pumkin, so you need to change it before
then."
"Ok ok," said Cinderella, "I will Thank You Godmother!"
So Cinderella went to the ball and was having so much fun! Well
12:00 rolled around, and she was still dancing and having a
great time! So the fairy godmother told herself, ok I will give
her until 1:00. 1:00 came around, and she still hadn't changed
it. So then the godmother said to herself, i will give her
until 1:30 no later.
1:30 came around and still she hadn't taken it out, but the
godmother said to herself "oh well, i have to change it into a
pumpkin!" When Cinderella came home at 3:00 in the morning, the
fairy godmother said to her, "so did it change to a pumpkin?"
Cinderella told her, " Yes, but I didn't care, I meant someone
named Peter Peter."
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| Posted by scott m. on 14-Aug-2005 | Way of Life1. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
2. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
3. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been
more specific.
4. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you,
but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the
window?
5. Ever notice that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot,
but anyone going faster is a maniac?
6. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five
miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea
where she is.
7. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I
lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody
stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of
them.
8. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if
you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your
laundry isn't your biggest problem.
9. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they
tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my
wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the
wall.
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| Posted by Cute One on 14-Aug-2005 | The ChomperbirdA woman who stayed at home while her husband worked decided she
needed something to spice up her life, so she went to the pet
shop. She asked the man who worked there if he had any unusual
pets. "I don't want the same old boring pets that everyone has,"
she said, explaining.
"You're in luck!" he replied. "I have just the thing. It's
called a Chomperbird." He took her to a corner of the shop and
an ordinary looking bird sat in a cage.
"Now let me show you what this guy can do," he said as he took
the bird out. "Chomperbird! The fishbowl!" chompchompchomp, the
bird ate up a nearby fishbowl.
"Oh, it's wonderful!" exclaimed the woman.
She took it home and began to use her new pet. "Chomperbird, the
sofa!" chompchompchomp, it ate it up. "Chomperbird! The table!"
chompchompchomp. "Chomperbird! the recliner!" chompchompchomp.
When her husband got home he stood aghast at all the missing
furniture. "What happened here?!" he yelled.
"Oh, honey! Don't worry, it's just from our new pet, the
Chomperbird."
He gave a sarcastic laugh, "Yeah, Chomperbird my BUTT!"
chompchompchomp.
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| Posted by Allan J. Vercellino on 12-Aug-2005 | Health conditionThe Queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.
"Oh my God," said the Queen, "that's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?"
The Doctor leading the tour explains; "I am sorry your highness, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with
semen.? If he doesn't do that 5 times a day, they'll explode, and he would die instantly."
"Oh, I am sorry," said the Queen.
On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient oral sex.
"Oh my God," said the Queen, "what's happening in there?"
The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."
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