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| Posted by Eric J. Herboso on 09-Aug-2005 | FIVE Times in One NiThis old man marries a girl barely out of her teens. Needless to say she is asking for it so whenever they get into bed on the wedding night she asks him "So are we going to have rampant sex tonight?"
The man responds by raising his hand and outstretching his fingers.
"What? Five times?"
asks the eager girl.
"No", he replied.
"Pick a finger".
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| Posted by Dan Linsky on 09-Aug-2005 | Grandma's IdeaThis man stops over to visit his grand parents, during a hot spell, and finds his grand father standing in front of the air conditioner without any pants on.
Man says: Gramps, what are you doing? You don't have any pants on."
Grandfather says "It's your Grand mothers idea"
"Yesterday it was so hot I stood here without my shirt, and woke up with a stiff neck"
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| Posted by Robert Letch on 09-Aug-2005 | Future CareersThe teacher asked the children in her class, what they want to be when they grow up.
"I want to be an actress," Susie says.
"Good girl, Susie."
"I want to be an astronaut," Cliff says.
"Good boy, Cliff."
"And I want to be a sex therapist," Little Johnny yells out.
"Would you please tell the class how you think your job is going to be like?"
"Okay, Miss. Look out of the window. Three women are walking down the street, eating ice cream. One is licking, one is sucking, and one is biting. Would you please tell the class which one is married?"
"Get out of the class, Johnny, and come back with your parents!"
Johnny returns and is asked to explain what he has just said, to which he replies...
"The one that is married, is the one that has a wedding ring and it is people like you, Miss, that I am going to treat."
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| Posted by BILLY B. PLOTTER on 09-Aug-2005 | Fat HeadA husband, wife and a son walk into an ice-cream shop. The dad says I'll have a chocolate, the wife says I'll have a vanilla.
Then the dad slaps his son in the back of the head and says, "What do you want fat head?"
The lady helping them says "Why did you hit him in the back of the head and call him fat head?"
The husband says, "There are three things in life a man wants:
The 1st thing is a nice big truck. And you see that nice big truck sitting there (outside) that's my nice truck.
The 2nd thing in life a man wants is a nice big house. You seen that nice big house on top of the hill on the edge of town? That's my big house.
The 3rd thing in life a man wants is a nice tight pussy and I had that until fat head came along."
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| Posted by Sarah mc noughty lol on 09-Aug-2005 | New HookerThe new hooker just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details.
She said "well, he was a big muscular and handsome marine".
"Well, what did he want to do?"
they all asked.
She said " I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he didn't have that much".
"So I told him that oral sex would be $75, but he didn't have that much either".
"Finally I said, well, how much do you have"?
The marine said that he only had $25.
The new hooker said "well, for $25 all I can do is service you by hand"
He agreed and after getting the finances straight, she said "he pulled it out and I put one hand on it, and then the second hand above the first and then the first hand above the second hand..."
"Oh my god" they all exclaimed, "it must have been huge, then what did you do?"
With a big smile on her face, she said.
"I loaned him $75!"
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| Posted by Aardvark on 09-Aug-2005 | My Beautiful Wife..A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retire to bed. So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber.
The man calls over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely."
So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face.
The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?"
The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two have passionate sex and afterwards the woman rolls out. As she returns to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face.
The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "clumsy fucking bitch".
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