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| Posted by banana babe on 09-Aug-2005 | Flat TireA rich lady is riding along with her chauffeur when they get a flat tire. He gets out and starts trying to pry off the hubcap. After he struggles a few minutes, she looks out at him and says, 'You wanna screwdriver?'
He says, "Hell, We might as well. I can't get this freaking hubcap off."
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| Posted by jokekiller on 09-Aug-2005 | Always Been a DoubtA man is talking to his best friend about married life.
"You know," he says, "I really trust my wife, and I think she has always been faithful to me. But there's always that doubt."
His friend says, "Yeah, I know what you mean."
A couple of weeks later the man has to go out of town on business. Before he goes, he gets together with his friend.
"While I'm away, could you do me a favor? Could you watch my house and see if there is anything fishy going on? I mean, I trust my wife but there's always that doubt."
The friend agrees to help out, and the man leaves town. Two weeks later he comes back and meets his friend.
"So did anything happen?"
"I have some bad news for you," says the friend.
"The day after you left I saw a strange car pull up in front of your house. The horn honked and your wife ran out and got into the car and they drove away. Later, after dark, the car came back. I saw your wife and a strange man get out. They went into the house and I saw a light go on, so I ran over and looked in the window. Your wife was kissing the man. Then he took off his shirt. Then she took off her blouse. Then they turned off the light."
"Then what happened?"
says the man.
"I don't know. It was too dark to see."
"Damn, you see what I mean? There's always that doubt."
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| Posted by Wesley Allen on 09-Aug-2005 | First DateOn their first date, Joe took Rose to the carnival. When he asked her what she wanted to do first, Rose replied, "Get weighed."
So Joe took her to the man with the scale who guesses people's weight. He looked at Rose and said, "One hundred and twenty pounds."
Since Rose weighed in at one seventeen, she collected a prize.
Next they went on the roller coaster. When the ride was finished, Joe asked Rose what she wanted to do next.
"Get weighed," she said. So they went back to the man with the scale, who of course guessed Rose's weight correctly.
Leaving without a prize, they went for a ride on the merry-go-round. After they got off, Joe asked Rose what she wanted to do next.
"I want to get weighed!" she said again.
Joe began to think this girl was quite strange, and decided to end the evening quickly. He left her at the door with a quick handshake.
Rose's roommate was waiting up for her to return and asked how the evening went.
"Wousy!" Rose replied.
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| Posted by Lesley A. Salton on 09-Aug-2005 | Starting EarlyA five-year-old boy was mowing his front lawn and drinking a beer. The preacher who lived across the street saw the beer and came over to harass the kid.
"Aren't you a little young to be drinking, son?"
he asked.
"That's nothing," the kid said after taking a swig of beer.
"I got laid when I was three."
"What? How did that happen?"
"I don't remember. I was drunk."
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| Posted by Charles Jupe on 09-Aug-2005 | One Handed DriverJohn and his girlfriend, Carol, were driving along one day. He noticed that she kept looking at him and smiling. Then Carol leaned over and whispered in John's ear, "Can you drive using only one hand?"
"I sure can" John grinned, thinking his luck was in.
"Good!" Carol said, "Then wipe your nose; it's running!"
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| Posted by flameb0y on 09-Aug-2005 | Pulled MuscleOne day at the office, Michael ran into Dick by the water cooler. Normally Dick who is young, single is energetic all day, but that day he looked beat.
"Hey Dick! How's it going?"
asked Michael.
"I'm not feeling too good today. In fact, I'm utterly exhausted," answered Dick.
"I pulled a muscle, and it's killing me."
"What's a pulled muscle got to do with you feel so tired?"
Michael asked.
"A pulled muscle doesn't make you tired!"
Dick yawned and said, "It sure does if you pull it five hundred times in one night!"
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