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| Posted by Brent Salfen on 09-Aug-2005 | Flat tyreThis couple out on a date get a flat while driving along on a snowy night. He goes out to change the tire, but doesn't have any gloves so before long he comes back in, job half-done, with blue hands.
"Put your hands between my legs to warm them up," says she. So he does, and goes back out to the flat tire. It's so cold, he has to come back in one more time to warm up his hands, again at her invitation, between her legs.
He finally finishes the job and comes back into the car triumphant and puts the key into the ignition.
She looks at him and says, "Aren't your ears cold?"
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| Posted by Lucy G. Van Pelt on 09-Aug-2005 | What's for lunchThe recently married couple split up shortly after the wedding. The trouble started when the husband arrived home from work and found his new wife lying naked on the couch.
"What's for dinner?" he asked.
"Pussy," she replied.
"Damn," the husband spat. "That's what I had for lunch."
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| Posted by Patrick Reyes on 09-Aug-2005 | Someone commingA guy rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.
He smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk, her robe slips open, and it quite obvious that she has nothing on under the robe. Poor guy breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and says, "Let's go in my apartment, I hear someone coming..." He precedes her into the apartment, and after she closes the door, she leans against it allowing her robe to fall completely open. She purrs at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"
The flustered, embarrassed guy stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out "Oh, it's got to be your ears!"
She's astounded! Why my ears? Looks at these boobs! They are full, don't sag, and they're all mine! My butt - it's firm, doesn't sag, and has no cellulite! Look at this skin, no blemishes, or scars! Why in heaven's name would you say my ears are the best part of my body?!"
Clearing his throat once again, he stammers - "Outside when you said you heard someone coming - THAT WAS ME!"
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| Posted by Rob_boy on 09-Aug-2005 | 69 - ViewWhat's the only bad thing about the 69 position ? The view.
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| Posted by Dean C. Hughes on 09-Aug-2005 | The Mage in BattleTop 10 things you don't want to hear your mage say in battle.
10) "Is it virgin's tears and dragon's blood, or dragon's tears and virgin's blood? Maybe the dragon was a virgin.."
9) "Hmm...is this the recipe for a Potion of Healing, or for Chile Con Carne?"
8) "Oh, oh, oh, oh! That wand of cold balls -didn't- do what I expected."
7) "By any chance, have you seen a summoned 9th order fire elemental wandering around? No? Oh.. Tell me if you do."
6) "It's supposed to have five points?"
5) "My familiar will take care of that dragon! Sic 'em, Fifi!" 4) "What kind of cheap, wussyarse excuse for a djinn only gives one wish? Oh, he's still here..."
3) "Eennie, meenie, miny, moe.. Which end points toward the foe?"
2) "Damn. I knew I should have used Energizers in this thing."
And, the number one thing you don't want to hear from your mage..
1) "Oops..."
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| Posted by Green Hornet on 09-Aug-2005 | Monica LetterFresh off of the news wire.....
AP - Monica Lewinsky, in a statement released today, countered President Clinton's firm denial:
I have had enough. This whole experience has left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I can't stomach any more. I feel as if I'm getting the shaft, that this ugly matter has come to a head and blown up in my face.
This may be a load to handle, but when things are hard, that's when I am at my best. I have faced hard things in the past and I know what is coming. I will meet this challenge the only way I know how: head on.
I have licked bigger things than this before and I will again. No one will ever be able to say that Monica Lewinsky isn't a finisher, that she quit before the job was done. I will work non-stop and fight this, blow by blow, until I am wiped clean of this dirty affair. I will not be stained by it.
Thank you
Monica Lewinsky
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