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| Posted by Vjc on 09-Aug-2005 | Flea in MiamiA flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea arms, had spread out his blanket, and was proceeding to soak up the Miami sun when who should stumble by on the beach but an old flea friend of his.
"Oscar, what happened to you?", asked the flea, because Oscar looked terrible, wrapped up in a blanket, his nose running, his eyes red, and his teeth chattering.
"I got a ride down here in some guy's moustache and he came down here by motorcycle. I nearly froze my nuts off," wheezed Oscar.
"Let me give you a tip, old pal," said the first flea, spreading some more suntan oil on his shoulders. "You go to the stewardess lounge at the airport, see, and you get up on the toilet seat, and when an Air Florida stewardess comes in to take a leak, you hop on for a nice warm ride. Got it?"
So you can imagine the flea's surprise when, a month or so later, while stretched out all warm and comfortable on the beach, who should he see but Oscar - looking more chilled and miserable than before.
"Listen," said Oscar, "I did everything you said. I made it to the stewardess lounge and waited till a really cute one came in, and made a perfect landing and got so warm and cozy that I dozed right off."
"And so?" asked the first flea.
"And so the next thing I know, I'm on this guy's moustache again!"
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| Posted by KrAzYBoY on 09-Aug-2005 | No a MemberThree women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball when suddenly a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head.
He passes the first woman, who looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband," she says.
He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband either."
He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her.
"Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member of this club."
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| Posted by Gary Sexton on 09-Aug-2005 | Farmers HouseMan walks up to a farmers house, knocks on the door. When a woman opened the door, the man ask if she knew how to have sex.
Not amused, she slammed the door. Again, the man knocked, again, asked the same question. Again, not amused, she screamed get the hell away.
Later, she told her husband of the incident. he said he would stay home the following day just in case.
Sure enough, the next day the same man returned. The husband hid with his gun while the lady answered the door.
When she was asked again if she knew how to have sex, she said yes.
The man replied, great, give some to your husband the next time you see him, and tell him to keep away from my wife.
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| Posted by sum messed up retard on 09-Aug-2005 | Small WorldTwo men are playing golf. They play each week, and have a wager as to who is going to win.
One week there are these two women at the hole ahead of them. they're hitting the ball all over the place.
They have no idea how to play. They're just there having a good old time. The two men want to finish their game.
One of them decides to ask the women if they can play through. He goes up the hill, then comes back down. He tells his friend "I can't do it. One's my wife, the other's my mistress."
The other guy says "No problem, I understand." So he goes up the hill. He comes back down and says, "Small world isn't it?"
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| Posted by Ella F. Unt on 09-Aug-2005 | A Hole BehindA man had to go to a strange town to be the guest speaker at a business meeting. When he arrived at the Motel in town, he found that he had a lot of time before the meeting.
He asked the clerk where the nearest golf course was and was given directions on how to get there.
While playing on the front nine, he was going over the speech in his mind and became confused as to where he was on the course.
Looking around, he saw a Lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and told her about his big meeting and the speech he was to make and his confusion about where he was on the course, asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.
She replied "I'm on the 7th hole and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole."
He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing happened. and he approached her again with the same request.
She said "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, So you must be on the 13th."
Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished his round and went into the club house where he saw the Lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the Lady.
The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often. He approached her and said, "let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help. I understand that you are a sales lady, well I am in sales also. What do you sell"?
She replied, "if I told you, you would only laugh." "No I wouldn't", he said and persisted that she tell him what she sold.
"Well if you must know", she answered, "I sell Tampax."
With that, he fell on the floor and laughed so hard he almost lost his breath. She said "see I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at" he replied, "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm still a hole behind you!"
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| Posted by Blue Myst on 09-Aug-2005 | Hardware StoreA lady walks into a hardware store and says she's looking for a hinge.
The manager comes over and asks the lady "do you want a screw for the hinge?"
She replies "no but I'll Fuck you for the doorknob."
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