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| Posted by Griffon McGorden on 09-Aug-2005 | Flogging Dead HorsesA guy goes to the Farmer to buy a horse. He give the farmer the money and says that he will be around later to pick up the horse.
When he returns he is shock to find that the horse is dead!
He goes to the farmer and asks what happen to horse and can he get is money back.
The farmer replies no because he has spent the money and that he has no more horses to give.
The guy is unhappy but says o.k. and takes the dead horse anyway.
The farmer is shocked but doesn't say anything.
A couple of weeks later the guy returns to the farmer to buy a couple more dead horses, so the farmer asked him what in the world would you want to do with a dead horse??
The guy replies that he had an auction to sell the dead horse, and
charged 10 pounds entrance and had over two hundred people there.
The farmer is shocked and said didn't anyone get angry when they found out that the horse was dead.
The guy replies only the person that won.
The farmer says what happened next, and the guy says nothing i gave him back his 10 pounds.
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| Posted by Melissa A. Mcclain on 09-Aug-2005 | Buy a TractorI haven't sold one tractor all month," a tractor salesman tells his friend.
"That's nothing compared to my problem," his buddy replies. "I was milking my cow when its tail whips around and hits me in the forehead, so I grabbed some string and tied its tail up to the rafters. Then I go back to milk it and it kicks me in the head with its right hind leg, so I grab some rope and tie its one leg up to the rafters. I go back to try and milk it again when it kicks me in the head with its left hind leg, so I tie its other leg up to the rafters. Then my wife comes walking in and I'll tell ya, if you can convince her that I was trying to milk that cow, I'll buy a tractor off ya."
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| Posted by Pussy Licker on 09-Aug-2005 | BAD BAD JOKEThis joke is bad taste, you have been warned.
Three vampires walk into a bar on a cold winter night.
They all three sit at the bar and the bartender asks the first vampire
"What can I getcha?" The 1st vampire says "I'll have a beer, please"
So, the bartender gets him a beer.
The bartender asks the 2nd vampire "What would you like?"
The vampire replies "A beer please." So, the bartender gets him a beer.
The bartender then asks the 3rd and last vampire "Sir, what can I get you?" and the 3rd vampire replies "A cup of hot water please."
The bartender obliges and asks the vampire, "What are you gonna do with that hot water?"
The third vampire pulls out a used tampon and dips it into his hot water and says "Hot tea, it's chilly out!"
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| Posted by Anu Patel on 09-Aug-2005 | Mowing the LawnA young new salesman had just started his job at a General Store ,
His boss told him that they were overstocked with Lawnmowers. If he was to sell the most Lawnmowers that day he would get a bonus in his pay.
His first customer was a woman that asked him for Sanitary Napkins.
As he calmly reached for the box he asked her if she would like to buy a Lawnmower.
The woman replied in a stern voice "what do I need a Lawnmower for"?
The young salesman answered "well you can't have sex so you might as well mow the lawn"
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| Posted by AK-47 on 09-Aug-2005 | Come To The PartySam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in West Virginia as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Other-wise, it's total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded West Virginian standing there. "Name's Enoch. Your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. Havin' a party Saturday. Thought you'd like to come."
"Great," says Sam. "After six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you." As Enoch is leaving he stops, "Gotta warn you, there's gonna be some drinkin'."
"Not a problem. After 25 years in the computer business, I can do that with the best of them."
Again, as he starts to leave Enoch stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin', too."
Damn, Sam thinks... tough crowd. "Well, I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again."
Once again Enoch turns from the door. "I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too."
"Now that's not a problem," says Sam. "Remember I've been alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear to the party?"
Enoch stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want. It's just gonna be the two of us."
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| Posted by Stefanie D. Fischer on 09-Aug-2005 | With Best FriendA guy walks into a bar, looking all depressed. He goes to the bar and orders a drink.
The bartender brings it to him and asks "Do you want to talk about something? You look kinda down in the dumps".
The guy says "Well, I've suspected that my wife has been cheating on me for months, so today I took the day off work to follow her. Well, when I came home, I caught her with my best friend!"
"Wow, that must have been hard!" the bartender says "What exactly do you say to your friend in a situation like that?"
The guy at the bar replies "Well, I looked him straight in the eye, and I yelled BAD DOG!"
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