|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Michael Gailling on 09-Aug-2005 | In the RestaurantA lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.
The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her it is still experimental and tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner.
So, that night at dinner, she does. About a week later she's back at the doctor's.
She says, 'Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you suggested. It wasn't five minutes and he jumps up, rakes all the food and dishes on the floor, grabs me, rips all my clothes off and ravishes me right there on the table.'
The doctor says, 'I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.'
'Naah...' she says, 'that's okay. We wouldn??™t go back to that restaurant anyway.'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Brynn Barraclough on 09-Aug-2005 | Too damned closeThe modest young lass had just purchased some lingerie and asked if she might have the sentence,
'if you can read this you're too damned close' embroidered on her panties and bra.
'Yes madam,' said the assistant,
'I'm quite certain that could be done. Would you prefer block or script letters?'
'Braille.' she replied.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Vince Joebob on 09-Aug-2005 | Bobbit HillbilliesTo the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies:
Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named John,
a poor ex-marine with a little fraction gone.
It seems one night after gettin' with his wife;
she loped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.
Penis that is.
Clean cut.
Missed his nuts.
Well the next thing you know there's a Ginsue by his side
And Lorena is in the car taking willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend,
And she tossed him out the window as she went around a bend.
Curve that is.
Tossed the nub
in the scrub.
She went to the cops and confessed to the attack
and they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked And they pointed 'over there'.
To John Wayne's henry that was waving in the air.
Found that is.
By the fence.
Evidence.
So the dick doc said, `Hey, I can fix your dong.
A needle and a thread is all we're gonna need.'
And the whole world waited 'til they heard that Johnny peed.
Whizzed that is.
Even seam.
Straight steam.
Well he healed and he hardened and he took his dick to court.
With a half-arsed lawyer, 'cause his assets came up short.
They cleared her assault and acquitted him of rape
And his pecker was the only one they didn't show on tape.
Video that is.
Unexposed.
Case closed.
Ya'll sleep on your stomachs now, ya hear?!
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Belle on 09-Aug-2005 | Barber shopThis guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks,
'How long before I can get a haircut?'
The barber looks around the shop and says,
'About two hours.'
The guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks,
'How long before I can get a haircut?'
The barber looks around at his shop full of customers and says,
'About two hours.'
The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks,
'How long before I can get a haircut?'
The barber looks around the shop and says,
'About an hour and a half.'
The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says,
'Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes.'
In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically.
The barber asks,
'Bill, where did that guy go when he left here?'
Bill looks at him and says,
'To your house.'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Zimbob D. Afgan on 09-Aug-2005 | Escaped conAn escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple, who had been sleeping in the bedroom.
As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, 'Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it.'
'Dear,' the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, 'I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice arse.'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Lioness Mage on 09-Aug-2005 | Short fuseA bodybuilder picks up a woman at a bar and takes her home with him. He takes off his shirt and the woman says,
'What a great chest you have.'
The bodybuilder tells her,
'That's 500 kg of dynamite.'
He takes off his pants and the woman says,
'What massive calves you have.'
The bodybuilder tells her,
'That's 500 kg of dynamite.'
He then takes off his underwear and the woman goes running and screaming out of the apartment.
The bodybuilder puts his clothes back on and chases after her.
He finally catches up and asks her why she ran out of the apartment.
The woman replies,
'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw what a short fuse you have.'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
