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| Posted by Cinder60 on 09-Aug-2005 | In too farA young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed.
'If I do 250 kph, will you take off your clothes?' he smirked. 'Yes,' said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 250, she peeled off all her clothes.
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over.
The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.
'Go and get help!' he cried.
'But I can't! I'm naked and my clothes are gone!'
'Take my shoe' he said 'and cover yourself.'
Holding the shoe over her privates, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor,
'Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!'
The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, 'There's nothing I can do. He's in too far.'
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| Posted by Kyle Husted on 09-Aug-2005 | Pickup lines'The word of the day is legs. Let's go back to my place and spread the word...'
'Hey baby, can I tickle your belly button from the inside?'
'I like every bone in your body especially mine... '
'My face is leaving in 15 minutes be on it...'
'Why don't you sit on my face and let me eat my way to your heart?'
'I may not be Fred Flinstone, but I sure can make your bed rock...'
'Is that a mirror in your pants, because I can see myself in them?'
'When does your centerfold come out?'
'So do ya wanna see something really swell?'
'Is your name Gillette? Because you're the best a man can get...'
'You're like Pringles once I pop you, I can't stop you...'
'You have great legs, what time do they open?'
'If you were a car door, I would slam you all night long...'
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| Posted by Michael A. Kosbie on 09-Aug-2005 | Hard liquorThree ladies all have separate boyfriends named Larry. One evening, while sharing a few drinks at the bar, one of the ladies suggests,
'Let's name our Larry??™s after a soft drink, because I'm tired of getting my Larry mixed up with your Larry, and her Larry mixed up with your Larry.'
The other two ladies agree.
The first lady speaks out, 'Okay then, I'm gonna name my Larry " 7 Up" because he has 7" and it's always up!'
The three ladies hoot and holler, and slap each other high fives.
Then, the second lady says, 'I'm gonna name my Larry "Mountain Dew" because he can mount and do me any day of the week.'
Again, the three ladies hoot and holler, and slap each other more high fives.
The third lady then says, 'You know, those two Larrys were good, but I'm gonna name my Larry "Jack Daniels".'
The other two ladies shout in unison, "'Jack Daniels"? That's not a soft drink... that's a hard liquor!'
The third lady replies, 'That's my Larry!'
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| Posted by DlineChick on 09-Aug-2005 | In the jungleThis British explorer is in the dark jungle going where no Western man has gone before. Accompanying him is his trusted guide, interpreter, cook and trouble shooter in one.
One day early in the morning, they arrive at a lake and find a handsome dark young man engaged in 'playful activities' with 10 beautiful, dark, young women all nude.
The young man had the biggest, strongest penis the Britisher had ever seen, or even imagined. He asked his guide who this man was?
'He is the prince of the tribe that lives on the other side of the lake, sir,' came the reply. 'This is his morning ritual.'
'Ask him,' the awed Brit said to his companion, 'how did his penis get to be this size?' The guide goes to the lake and talks to the man, who seems to get very agitated by the conversation.
'Well, what did he say?' asked our hero to his assistant on his return.
'He said, "There's nothing wrong with my penis. Doesn't the white man's shrink in cold water?"'
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| Posted by Mira Maines on 09-Aug-2005 | Do the dishesThis guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved enough money, so he goes down to the dealer. After he picks up the perfect bike, the dealer tells him about an old biker trick that will keep the chrome on his new bike free from rust.
The dealer tells him that all he has to do is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome before it rains and everything will be fine. He happily pays for the bike and leaves.
After a couple of months he meets a lady and she asks him to take her home to meet her parents over dinner. He readily accepts and the date is set. At the appointed time he picks her up on his Harley and they ride to her parents' house.
Before they go in, she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.
After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to speak and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long 15 minutes the young man decides to speed things up, so he reaches over and kisses the girl in front of her family. No one says a word.
Emboldened, he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone. No one says a word. Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws her on the table. They have even wilder sex. No one says a word.
By now he is thinking of what to do next when he hears thunder in the distance. His first thought is to protect the chrome on his Harley, so he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his jar of Vaseline.
And the father shouts, 'Okay damn it, I'll do the dishes.'
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| Posted by Michael A. Kosbie on 09-Aug-2005 | In the zooA certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very horny and difficult to handle and, upon examination, the zoo veterinarian found that the gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla of the species available.
While reflecting on their problem the zoo administrators noticed Mike, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Mike it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy a female, but he wasn't very bright. So the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution and Mike was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500?
Mike showed some interest but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day Mike announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions.
'First,' he said, 'I don't want to have to kiss her.
Secondly I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from the union.'
The zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what his third condition was.
'Well,' said Mike, 'you've gotta give me another week to come up with the $500.'
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