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| Posted by Chelsey Frizzo on 14-Aug-2005 | Making CakeOne day a girl and her mom went to the zoo the girl saw two
monkeys doing it she asked her mom what are those monkeys doing
her mom said they were making cake.
The next day she went to the beach with her dad and they saw
some pepole doing it and she asked her dad what they were doing
heer dad said ow there making cake.
That night her parents were doing it on the couch and in the
morning when their dauther woke up she told her mom you were
making cake last night wern't you her mom said how did you the
girl said I liked the frosting off the couch.
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| Posted by churchboybrian on 14-Aug-2005 | WivesA young couple got married and went on a cruise for their
honeymoon. When they got back from the honeymoon, the bride
immediately called her mother, who lived a couple of hours away.
"Well, darling," said her mother, "how was the honeymoon?" "Oh,
mother," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic,
we had a terrific time! But, as soon as we returned, Sam began
using really horrible language. I've never heard these words
before. Really terrible 4-letter words. You've got to come get
me and take me home. PLEASE MOTHER!" And the new bride began to
sob over the telephone. "But honey," the mother countered, "what
4-letter words?" "I can't tell you, mother," said the daughter,
"they're too awful! Please come and get me!" "Darling daughter,
you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell me the 4-letter
words!" Still sobbing, the bride said, "Mother, he used words
like: DUST...WASH...IRON...COOK
A man bought an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". The next
day he received a thousand letters. They all said the same
thing: "You can have mine."
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home
for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't
go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like
cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you
invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking
about getting married."
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| Posted by Edward Peck on 14-Aug-2005 | SeductiveA guy is working behind the bar at a downtown restaurant, when
an absolutely drop-dead gorgeous chick walks up and beckons him
with her finger.
She seductively says to him, "Hey big boy, can I please speak to
the manager?"
He thinks that she is coming on to him as she starts running her
fingers through his hair, so he says to her, "the manager is not
around at the moment, can I help you in anyway possible?"
She then gently places a couple of fingers in his mouth and lets
him start gently licking them and says to him, "well then big
boy, you can pass on a message for me to the manager. Can you
let him know that there is no toilet paper in the ladies
toilets!!"
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| Posted by HappyFunnyBanana on 14-Aug-2005 | The Male Handbook1. Practice grunting 5 times a day. While some may find it
acceptable to grunt only before the morning coffee, the true
male will only answer in monosyllabic form, except for
emergencies, i.e. when some portion of your body is on fire.
2. Never ask for directions. Ever. Even if you find yourself
crossing the state line when all you wanted was to go buy some
ammo.
3. Never ever show emotion. No exceptions. Including the
emergency listed in Rule 1.
4. Refuse to talk about the relationship. Get uptight whenever
she mentions "love" or "commitment."
5. Leave your boxers on the dining room table. Several pairs.
Pretend they aren't there for as long as you can.
6. Never talk to a female, no matter how long you've known her,
when you're with your friends.
7. Watch WWF Wrestling and believe it's real. Attempt to get
tickets to the matches.
8. Scratch yourself in front of them. Watch them squirm.
9. Realize that your phone bill is way too high, and you
couldn't possibly call any of your female friends, even if it's
local.
10. Never compliment a girl, unless it's behind her back about
the size of her, um...
11. Be early for everything (before the girl is even out of the
shower) or don't show up at all.
12. Tell your girlfriend she doesn't kiss as well as your ex.
13. Plan for months ahead to finally go to that wrestling match
with all your friends, on your anniversary of course, but
neglect to tell your significant other until the day before.
When she starts crying, offer to take her along. When she kicks
you out of the house, move in with your friends and watch
wrestling. Tell them she just has PMS.
14. Tell your girlfriend every dirty joke you can think of --
you know how she loves them!
15. When she gets a cold, to cheer her up, tell her exactly how
red her nose is and how bleary her eyes are. Expect her to be
grateful that you're staying with her.
16. Invite your girlfriend to a Pantera concert. When she gets
injured in the mosh pit, get your friend to take her to the
emergency room.
17. Tell her, in detail, about all the girls that hit on you.
18. When she finally convinces you to take her to Prom, refuse
to dance. Besides, you're just there to stand around and look
cool, right?
19. Automatically assume that she doesn't know a thing about
cars or electrical equipment. When she finally gives in and lets
you fix something, try your best to completely ruin it.
20. Blame everything on PMS.
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| Posted by Valerie A. Galluzzo on 14-Aug-2005 | Why God Created WomenWhy did God decide to create women?
Because unlike a man, God can admit he made a mistake, and promptly
correct the problem!
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():gender jokes (1878): Talk About Men And Be Politically Correct |
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| Posted by SwiM4LifE on 14-Aug-2005 | Talk About Men And Be Politically CorrectHe does not have a beer gut,
He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.
He is not quiet,
He is a Conversational Minimalist.
He is not stupid,
He suffers from Minimal Cranial Development.
He does not get lost all the time,
He discovers Alternative Destinations.
He is not balding,
He is in Follicle Regression.
He is not a cradle robber,
He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships.
He does not get falling-down drunk,
He becomes Accidentally Horizontal.
He does not have his head up his ass,
He suffers from Rectal-Cranial Inversion.
He is not short,
He is Anatomically Compact.
He does not have a rich daddy,
He is a Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion.
He does not constantly talk about cars,
He has a Vehicular Addiction.
He does not have a hot body,
He is Physically Combustible.
He is not unsophisticated,
He is Socially Challenged.
He does not eat like a pig,
He suffers from Reverse Bulimia.
He is not a bad dancer,
He is Overly Caucasian.
He is not a sex machine,
He is Romantically Automated.
He does not hog the blankets,
He is Thermally Unappreciative.
He is not a male chauvinist pig,
He has Swine Empathy.
He does not undress you with his eyes,
He has an Introspective Pornographic Moment.
He is not afraid of commitment,
He is Monogamously Challenged.
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