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| Posted by Paul C. Randall on 14-Aug-2005 | Making SandwichesThere was a boy about 18 years old, and he still lived at home.
He and his girlfriend were out for dinner, and when they came
back they wanted to get a little...busy;). When the boy came
inside the house with his girlfriend, his parents were just
leaving. Your little brother is sleeping in his room. They two
older ones started making out and soon they went to the boys
room to get in bed and do the horizontal. That's when the boy
remembered that his brother was still there, sleeping in the
bottom bunk bed they shared. He was sound asleep, so the boy
told his girlfriend that they would have sex in the top bunk,
and use code. They stripped down and he said,
"ok, if you want me to change positions, say lettuce, if you
want it harder, say tomato." Soon the girl was screaming,
"Lettuce"
"Tomato"
"lettuce" over and over. They woke up the little boy. That's
when the little one said,
"can you two stop making sandwiches up there...you're getting
mayonaise all over me!"
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| Posted by Chris J. Coyle on 14-Aug-2005 | GenieTwo friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar but he
didn't have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one. "I
sure do," he replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled
out a 12 inch Bic lighter. "Wow!" said his friend, "where did
you get that monster." "I got it from my genie." "You have a
genie?" he asked. "Yes, he's right here in my golf bag." "Could
I see him?" He opens his golf bag and out pops the genie. The
friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant
me one wish?" "Yes I will," the genie said so he asks him for a
million bucks and the genie hops back into the golf bag and
leaves him standing there waiting for his million bucks.
Suddenly the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million
ducks flying overhead is heard. The friend tells his golfing
partner, "I asked for a million bucks not ducks!" He answers, "I
forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really
think I asked him for a 12 inch Bic?"
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| Posted by jennifer on 14-Aug-2005 | Young Pregnant BrideAn 80 year old man was having his annual check up and the doctor
asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he
boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and
having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell
you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never
missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he
accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun. So he was
in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of
him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and
squeezed the handle, and do you know what happened?" the doctor
queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No."
The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must
have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.
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| Posted by roadrunr on 14-Aug-2005 | Thirty Times in a Row!On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their
three sons. Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while
looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the
family's only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation
looked hopeless to her--how could she possibly continue to feed
her family now?
In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself. When the man
awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began to
see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in
the head.
Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the
cow!), and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself.
When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the
bank. She said, "I've seen all and know the reason for your
despair. But if you will have sex with me five times in a row, I
will restore your parents and the cow to you." The son agreed to
try, but after four times, he was simply unable to satisfy her
again. So the mermaid drowned him in the river.
Next the second oldest son woke up. After discovering what had
happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river. The
mermaid said to him, "If you will have sex with me ten times in
a row, I will make everything right." And while the son tried
his best (seven times!), it was not enough to satisfy the
mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.
The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow
in the field, and his brothers gone. He decided that life was a
hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw
himself in. And there he also met the mermaid.
"I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything
right if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row."
The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty times in a
row?" The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request. Then
he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?" And even as
she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, "Why not
THIRTY times in a row?"
Finally, she said, "Enough!! Okay, if you will have sex with me
thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to
perfect health." Then the young son asked, "Wait! How do I know
that thirty times in a row won't kill you like it did the cow?"
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| Posted by Poopoohead on 14-Aug-2005 | HookedA guy is hanging out in his favorite bar when he spots a
fabulous babe walking in on the arm of some ugly dude. He asks
the bartender about her and is surprised to discover that she's
a prostitute. He watches her the rest of the night, amazed that
someone so attractive could be available to him. The next night
he goes back to the bar, and sure enough she shows up again,
only this time alone. The guy gets up his nerve and approaches
her.
"Is it true you're a prostitute?"
"Why, sure, big boy. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I dunno. What do you charge?"
"I get $100 just for a hand job. We can negotiate from there..."
"$100!?! For a handjob? Are you nuts?"
"You see that Ferrari out there?" The guy looks out the front
door, and sure enough there's a shiny new Ferrari parked
outside. "I paid cash for that Ferrari with the money I made on
hand jobs. Trust me, it's worth it."
The guy mulls it over for a while, and decides what the hell. He
leaves with her, and gets the most unbelievable experience he's
ever had. This hand job was better than any complete sexual
experience in his miserable life. The next night he's back at
the bar, waiting eagerly for her to show up. When she does, he
immediately approaches her.
"Last night was incredible!"
"Of course it was. Just wait til you try one of my blow jobs..."
"How much is that?"
"$500"
"$500!?! C'mon, that's ridiculous!"
"You see that apartment building across the street?" The guy
looks out front at a 12 story apartment building. "I paid cash
for that building with the money I made on blow jobs. Trust me,
it's worth it."
Based on the night before, the guy decides to go for it. He
leaves with her, and once again is not disappointed. He nearly
faints - twice. The next night he can hardly contain himself
until she shows up.
"I'm hooked, you're the best! Tell me, what'll it cost me for
some pussy?"
She motions for him to follow her outside. She points down the
street, here between the buildings he can see Manhattan. "You
see that island?"
"Aw, c'mon! You can't mean that!"
She nods her head. "You bet. If I had a pussy, I'd own
Manhattan!"
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| Posted by Neil Schultz on 14-Aug-2005 | Sex or Swim?Bob walked into a bar to see his good friend Joey looking
extremely happy, happier than ever. Bob walked over to Joey and
said, "What's up, man?"
Joey replied, "Oh, Bob, it's so wonderful! You would never
believe! You know the yacht I have on the other side of the
river? Well last night I was standing in front of it and a
GORGEOUS blonde walked up to me. Titts a size B, man! Titts size
B! She asked me for a ride in my yacht to get to the other side.
I said sure. When we got exactly into the middle of the river, I
pulled down my pants and said, 'Sex or swim?' And she couldn't
swim, man. She couldn't swim!"
Bob thought this could make anyone feel great, and so he
congratulated Joey and went home. The next day, Bob went back to
the bar and saw Joey looking extremely glorified. He was smiling
so wide and laughing very loud. Bob went over to him and said,
"What's up, man?"
Joey replied, "Oh, Bob, it's so wonderful! You would never
believe! Last night I was standing in front of my yacht and a
GORGEOUS red head walked up to me. Titts a size C, man! Titts
size C!Even bigger than the blonde's the other night! She asked
me for a ride in my yacht to get to the other side. I said sure.
When we got exactly into the middle of the river, I pulled down
my pants and said, 'Sex or swim?' And she couldn't swim, man!
She couldn't swim!"
Bob agreed that this was terrific, patted his friend on the
back, and went home. Finally, he came back to the bar the next
day, and saw his friend Joey at the bar looking humiliated. He
was miserable, crying, and drinking the strongest liquor
imagionable. Bob went over to his friend worriedly and asked,
"What's up, man?"
Joey replied, as a tear of frustration streaked down his cheek,
"Oh, Bob, it's so terrible. You would never believe! Last night
I was standing in front of my yacht and this GORGEOUS brounette
walked up to me. Titts a size D, man! Titts size D! Even bigger
than the blonde's and the red-heads the other nights! She asked
me for a ride in my yact. I said sure. When we got exactly to
the middle of the river, I was about to do my usual line and get
lucky, when all of the sudden, the brounette pulled down her
pants. She had a foot long dick! She said, 'Sex or swim?' And I
couldn't swim, man! I couldn't swim!"
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