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| Posted by Krusty Dancer on 14-Aug-2005 | Monkey Fucks Rinoa monkey is happily swinging through the jungle when all of a
sudden he becomes very very horny.....
he continues to swing aimlessly through the jungle with a
monster hard on and gagging for a ride.. the further he swings
the hornier he gets looking for anything to relieve his load....
All of a sudden the monkey spots a rino eating some grass....
the monkey swiftly swings down and fires one into the
rino....boom....
The rino looks up in an almighty rage and starts chasing the
monkey miles and miles through the forest the monkey covers with
the rino hot on his heels...
the monkey spots a human hunter all dressed up in the english
style hunting gear reading a USA Today...the monkey swiftly
dives ontop of the hunter and beats him up removes his clothing
puts on the clothing and sits reading the USA Today.....
The rino approaches the monkey dressed up as a hunter and says
"excuse me sir but have you seen a monkey swing passed here
recently....the monkey replies from under his disguise " is that
the monkey that fucked the rino......the rino answers with a
sigh "oh its not made the paper already".....the end
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| Posted by Sean Wicklund on 12-Aug-2005 | CoupleThere's this couple and they've been dating for quite some time. He wants her really bad, but she won't sleep with him because she's saving herself for marriage. As they were kissing, and doing their thing, he's very hot and bothered, and he said, "Oh come on, just a feel."
She said, "No, I'm saving myself for marriage."
They went back and forth. He said, "Just one feel, I promise, that's all, just one feel."
She finally agreed, "Okay, just one feel, but that's all, just one, I'm saving myself for marriage."
So he puts his hand down her panties and takes a little feel. Things are getting a lot warmer and he asks, "Can't we please?"
She of course states, "NO, I'm saving myself for marriage."
He says, "Please, please?" and she says, "No, absolutely not, I'm saving myself for marriage."
He says, "How about if I agree to only just put the tip in?"
She says, "No way, I'm saving myself for marriage."
He begs and pleads with her, "I promise, just the tip, no more,and we'll stop after that."
She finally gives in, "Okay, but just the tip, no more, and that's all."
He says okay and pulls down her panties and puts the tip in... he's so hot and ready that he can't control himself shoves it the whole way in and starts going to town... she meanwhile is moaning and groaning and shouts, "OKAY, GO AHEAD, PUT IT THE WHOLE WAY IN!"
A little stunned, he says, "NO, absolutely not, a deals a deal!"
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| Posted by hottsk8er on 14-Aug-2005 | Johnny HumperThere once was a little boy named Johnny Humper.
One day a girl he liked came over. And they started making out.
He took off her shirt (viza versa) until they both were
undressed.
He layed ontop of her and thrusted it in her.
Johnny's parents walk in and say, "JOHNNY HUMPER!"
He looks up and says, "I can't do it any harder I am trying!"
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| Posted by HotDani19 on 12-Aug-2005 | Doctor DoctorOne day a man walked into a doctors office and said doctor you have to help me I feel terrible.
Whats the matter repied the doctor.
I broke my wifes virginity.
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| Posted by William Menzen on 14-Aug-2005 | 18 Holes!!!There were three guys who needed somewhere to sleep. There was a
barn full of chickes, a barn full of cows, and a bran full of 18
naked women. The first guy slept with the chickens the next wiht
the cows and then the next with the 18 naked women. The next
morning the first guy came out with chicken feathers all over
him and said, "I feel like a chicken." The second came out with
cow shit all over him and said, "I feel like a cow." The third
came out and said, "I feel like a golf ball, I went through 18
holes in one night."
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():sex jokes (1888): Standardized Guide to the Bases |
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| Posted by Morpheus on 14-Aug-2005 | Standardized Guide to the BasesDo you remember middle school/junior high/high school? If so, do
you remember talking about 'the bases' with your friends?
"Yeah man, at the dance, X and Y went behind the gym and they
got to second base!"
Well that was cool and all, but what the hell was second base?
Tongue kissing? Up the shirt? No one was really sure. Also, the
bases tended to get progressively more intense as you got older.
What's a person to do? Here, we mourn the passing of using
baseball analogies to describe sexual activity. But let's face
it, there are more than four stages in today's day and age of
sex play. So, in the interests of both bringing baseball sex
metaphors in line with the complications of modern romance and
with standardizing the bases, we present the Standardized Guide
to the Bases.
First, let's examine what the bases could have meant in the old
days.
First Base: This was almost always kissing, although one guy I
knew thought it meant holding hands. Sometimes it was tongue
kissing and sometimes not.
Second Base: Variously this meant tongue kissing, breast
feeling, or outside the clothes genital contact.
Third Base: Usually this was a hand down the pants of you or
your partner.
Home Run: This was ALWAYS sex, although it was rarely reached in
the times when you had to refer to it in terms of bases.
That system is ok, if you are a young teenager with a repressed
sex drive. But what happens when you reach maturity and new
factors enter the equation, such as oral sex? And what about the
exact definitions? We have attempted to answer such puzzling
questions and present without further ado... The Standardized
Guide to the Bases!
On Deck: Having plans for a date.
Strike-Out: Duh!!
Walk: Kissing.
Bunt: Masturbation.
Single: Tongue kissing.
Double: Breasts/chest touched, some clothes off, lots of
grabbing and feels.
Triple: Most of the clothes off, genital contact, mutual
masturbation.
Inside the park home run: Oral Sex.
Home Run: SEX!
Ground Rule Double: would have sex, but no condom.
Error: Condom breaks during sex.
Banned for life for gambling: sex without a condom.
Hall of Fame: Marriage.
Now that we've got the basics, let's introduce some terms to
better explain all the things that can happen now a days.
Balk: Premature ejaculation.
Pine Tar: KY jelly.
Relief pitcher: Vibrator.
Rain Delay: parents/roommate return home unexpectedly.
Box Seats: Waterbed.
Seventh Inning Stretch: Unusual positions.
Rookie: Virgin.
Minor Leagues: Under 18.
Loaded Bases: manage a trois.
Grand Slam: Sex three times in twelve hours.
Foul tip: VD.
Three up and three down: impotency.
Now that we have the definitions, lets quickly contrast the old
confusion with current clarity.
OLD WAY: we um got to third base I guess and then we um got like
past third base, but not to home plate. I really like her.
NEW WAY: first, there was a triple, then we got and inside the
park home run, and started thinking, it's hall of fame time. NEW
WAY- So there I was with the bases loaded and nobody out, when I
balked during the seventh inning stretch and I had to call in a
relief pitcher.
Well, there you have it, I hope it has cleared up a lot of the
confusion and helps you out.
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