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| Posted by Melissa A. Mcclain on 14-Aug-2005 | Newspaper ArticleA woman was lonely so she posted an add in the newspaper that
said " I want a man who cant choke me, cant run away from me and
has good sex." then 2 weeks later a guy with no arms,and no legs
came and said "im the man youve been waiting for honey!" then
she says how do you fit the description???'" and he said "well i
have no arms so i cant choke you and i have no legs so i cant
run away from you" then she said" well how do i know you have
good sex" and he said "how do you think i open the door"
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():love jokes (2491): Buying Condoms At The Pharmacy |
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| Posted by Hyun Choi on 14-Aug-2005 | Buying Condoms At The PharmacyOne day, a man went to a pharmacy. He told the pharmacist, "I
want a three-pack of condoms. I'm going to my girlfriend's house
tonight to have dinner with her parents, and I think tonight may
be the night." He bought the condoms and left. When he arrived
at his girlfriend's house, her parents asked him to say grace.
He says an unusually long grace. His Girlfiren leans over and
says, "I didn't know you were so religious." He says, "I didn't
know your father was a pharmacist."
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():love jokes (2491): A Love Story: Which Girl Do I Marry? |
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| Posted by sea chelle on 14-Aug-2005 | A Love Story: Which Girl Do I Marry?
A young man had seriously dated three girls and was finally faced
with the dilemma of which to marry. As a test he gave each of
them one thousand dollars.
The first girl went for a complete hair and face make over, new
clothes, and new shoes. She returned to show off her new look
saying, "I want to be at my most beautiful for you. Why?
Because I love you, dear."
The second girl returned with new hockey and golf equipment, a
new stereo, VCR, and month's supply of beer saying, "I bought all
these things for you. They're my gifts to you, because I love
you so."
The third girl invested the $1,000 wisely and very quickly
doubled her original amount. She reinvested the profits which
continued to multiply and returned the first thousand to the
young man saying, "I have taken your money and made it grow as an
investment in our future together. That's how much I love you, my
dear."
The young man was very impressed by all of their responses. He
then gave long and careful consideration and finally married the
one with the biggest breasts.
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| Posted by Cowardly Lion on 14-Aug-2005 | 9 break up messages1. You had an annoying habit of being around me
2. We're sorry, the relationship you are trying to reach has
been disconnected
3. Take the L out of LOVER and it's OVER!
4. I need to pursue my dream of meeting someone fun!
5. When I look at the world, I see what I'm missing!
6. Hum....Do you have a brother?
7. ooohh, you were wanting a relationship, how cute!
8. Me - you = happy
9. JUST FUCK OFF
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| Posted by Tiger Fly on 14-Aug-2005 | Loose PussyThree ladies walk into a bar, each sits on a stool. All start
chattering, you know girl talk. Then, one says, "my pussy's so
loose my boyfriend can stick his fist up it." The second says,
"my pussy's so loose, my boyfriend can stick both of his fist in
mine." The third lady laughs and slides down the bar stool.
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| Posted by Lotto on 14-Aug-2005 | Pick up linesMan: Haven't we met before?
Woman: Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
Man: So, wanna go back to my place ?
Woman: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.
Man: I'd like to call you. What's your number?
Woman: It's in the phone book.
Man: But I don't know your name.
Woman: That's in the phone book too.
Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
(Would you like to go to bed with me tonight?)
Woman: Je voudrais bien, mais je n'ai rien a porter.
(I would love to, but I have nothing to wear.)
Man: What sign were you born under?
Woman: No Parking.
Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not Enter
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized !
Man: Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason
Woman: Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!
Man: I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy.
Woman: You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?
Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.
Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you.....to leave.
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?
Woman: Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I'd go through anything for you.
Woman: Good! Let's start with your bank account.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
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