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| Posted by ang b on 09-Aug-2005 | No Ears!A man was in a bad accident and was injured but the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious.
However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company.
It was always his dream to own his own business, so he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm.
He realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business.
He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The last question of the interview was always the same. "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the first candidate.
"Yes. You have no ears."
He quickly eliminated the first candidate.
"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the second candidate.
"Yes. You have no ears."
He quickly eliminated the second candidate.
"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the third candidate.
"Yes. You're wearing contacts."
Thinking he had found the man for the job he said, "That's correct. How did you know?"
"You can't wear glasses if you don't have ears!
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| Posted by Lauren Adamowsky C. Adamowsky on 09-Aug-2005 | Barbars AdviceDuring his monthly visit to the corner barbershop, this fellow asked his barber for any suggestions on how to treat his increasing baldness.
After a brief pause, the barber leaned over and confided that the best thing he'd come across was, er, female juices.
"But you're balder than I am," protested the customer.
"True," admitted the barber, "but you've gotta admit I've got one hell of a moustache!"
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| Posted by slider on 09-Aug-2005 | Wrong BreastsThe young lady entered the doctor's office carrying an infant. "Doctor," she explained, "the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week."
The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the girl's breasts.
He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on one nipple.
"Young lady," he finally announced, "no wonder the baby is losing weight, you haven't any milk!"
"Of course not!" she shrieked. "It's not my child, it's my sister's!"
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| Posted by Eric Skinner on 09-Aug-2005 | Milking ProblemI haven't sold one tractor all month," a tractor salesman tells his friend.
"That's nothing compared to my problem," his buddy replies.
"I was milking my cow when its tail whips around and hits me in the forehead, so I grabbed some string and tied its tail up to the rafters.
Then I go back to milk it and it kicks me in the head with its right hind leg, so I grab some rope and tie its one leg up to the rafters.
I go back to try and milk it again when it kicks me in the head with its left hind leg, so I tie its other leg up to the rafters.
Then my wife comes walking in and I'll tell ya, if you can convince her that I was trying to milk that cow, I'll buy a tractor off ya."
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| Posted by Bazigar on 09-Aug-2005 | I'm Coming!A worker on a construction site of a high rise building climbed all the way to the top of the building before realizing that he needed a second pair of hands to accomplish the task he had in mind.
Not wanting to climb all the way back down, and also realizing that no one would hear him if he yelled, he signaled to the foreman on the ground.
He pointed first to himself, then his knee, and then the foreman, meaning "I need you."
The foreman waved back and then started acting very strangely....he unzipped his pants, pulled them down to his ankles, and proceeded to jerk off.
Totally confused and rather alarmed, the worker ran down all fourteen stories of the high rise, staggered over to the foreman and gasped, "What the hell are you doing?
"I got your message," replied the foreman. "I just wanted to let you know that I was coming."
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| Posted by Scott Anderson on 09-Aug-2005 | FrankfurterA man went to a plastic surgeon to get work done on his penis.
The doctor, curious, asked what had happened to it.
"Well," the patient said, "I live in a trailer court. A gorgeous buxom creature lives in the trailer next to mine.
I used to peek into her trailer and I saw that she had a habit.
Each afternoon she'd take a frankfurter from her refrigerator and put it in a hole on her trailer floor.
Then she'd sit on it and have a ball."
"She nearly drove me crazy. So I got a bright idea. One day I got under her trailer and when she slid the frankfurter into the hole, I slid it out and slipped my penis up through the hole."
"She sat down on it and everything was great until there was a knock at the door."
"And then?" said the doctor. "Aw hell," the patient explained.
"That's when she tried to kick it under the stove."
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