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| Posted by Nate M. F on 14-Aug-2005 | Not worth the MoneyThere once was a thirty-five year old man named Kevin. He
decided that he was fed up with his work so he quit and traveled
around the world. After a month he ended up in a small town in
the middle of nowhere. There he discovered he was almost out of
money and all his credit cards were maxed out. With nowhere to
go and nothing to do, Kevin ended up wandering around the town.
He walked by a loud bar with men inside hollering and hooting,
just like any other bar in town. Kevin was about to continue
when he noticed a large container filled with money on the
counter. Curious, he wandered in and made his way up to the
bartender.
"Excuse me sir, I was just passing by and I noticed that large
container of money. May I ask what it's for?" Kevin asked.
"Well, there's a rottwieller out back who needs a tooth pulled,
then an old lady upstairs who needs an orgasm. If you help them
out, you get the money." Kevin decided that even though he was
almost totally broke, it wasn't worth the money, so he left.
A few hours later he returns to the bar, VERY drunk after
spending all of his remaining money on beer. He approaches the
bartender and asks if the money offer was still up. The
bartender says yes and shows him where the rottwieller is then
quickly goes back inside to get out of reach of the angry dog.
For almost an hour the bartender can hear growls and yells and
whimpers and barks. Finally Kevin comes back in with his clothes
all ripped and torn, and his face all covered in blood and mud.
"Alright." Kevin says. "Now where's the old lady who needs her
tooth pulled."
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| Posted by Tristan T. Connolly on 14-Aug-2005 | Elephant and MouseAn elephant was walking through the jungle. He stepped on a
thorn and started to cry. "OW, OW! This hurts! Somebody help
me!" Just then, a little mouse passed by.
"Oh, please, little mouse!" the elephant pleaded. "Please take
this thorn out of my foot! It really hurts!"
"No Way!!" cried the mouse. "I know you! You stepped on my
brother last week!"
"I'm sorry about that! Just, please! Help me! I'll do anything!"
cried the elephant.
"Anything?" replied the mouse skeptically.
"Yes! I promise!" swore the elephant.
"Well, okay!" said the mouse.
So the mouse pulled the thorn out of the elephant's foot,
causing instant relief.
"Thank you little mouse!" said the elephant. "What can I do to
repay you?"
The mouse smiled and said, "Now, you have to let me have my way
with you."
The elephant was horrified. But, he did promise the mouse he'd
do anything, so he reluctantly obliged.
So the mouse climbed on top of the elephant and started fucking
him as fast as his little mouse body could.
Just then, some monkeys were sitting in a tree, watching,
disgusted at this mouse fucking an elephant. So they started
throwing coconuts at the elephant's head.
"Ow!" cried the elephant as the coconuts bashed his tender
skull. "That hurts! Stop it!"
The mouse kept going and said, "Yeah! Take it all, bitch! Take
it all!"
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| Posted by Rhody J. Corcoran on 14-Aug-2005 | The RodeoFor his wifes 40th birthday, Al decided to take his wife to the
rodeo. He had managed to get hold of 2 V.I.P passes that would
let them have a guided tour around the bull pens before the
start.
Upon arrival Al and his wife were quickly taken to the Stud area
to look at the male bulls. The owner was so proud of his stud
farm that he used the bulls as an attraction at the rodeo.
At the first pen there was a sign outside saying: "This bull
mates 12 times a year." At this Al's wife said, "Wow that's once
a month, almost as much as you do darling!"
At the second pen there stood a sign saying: "This bull mates 52
times a year." At this Al's wife said, "Wow that's once a week!
Thats good! We should make love more often you know Al."
At the third pen there stood a sign saying: "This bull mates 365
times a year."
Al this Al's wife said, "Oh my god, that's amazing! This bull
mates every day! I wish you'd make love to me every day Al!" Al
replied, "Yeah but I bet he dosen't have to fuck the same old
cow every day!"
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| Posted by Darrick R. Adams on 14-Aug-2005 | Special FrogA woman goes into a pet store to buy herself a pet. The clerk
says to her "Can I help you find something miss?" "Yes" the
woman replies, "I'm looking for a pet for myself." The man shows
her around and after looking at all the regular type pets the
woman asks "Do you have any thing special?" The clerk says,
"Well we do have a pussy eating frog for $200. "The woman is
curious and asks just how does this work, the man says "Its
easy, just lay naked on the bed next to the frog and say eat me
frog." The woman says "Are you sure this frog eats pussy?" "Yes
I am." the clerk answers.
The woman buys the frog and takes it home. When she gets home,
she takes off her clothes and lays on the bed next to the frog.
"Eat me." She says to the frog. Nothing happened. Again she says
"Eat me." And again nothing happened. Feeling ripped off she
calls and tells the clerk what happened. The clerk says, "That
can't be, I'll be right over." The clerk shows up and says to
the frog, "Eat her." And nothing happened. The clerk then says,
"Alright watch me, this is the last time I'm gonna show you how
to eat pussy!"
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| Posted by bugzaboo on 14-Aug-2005 | The Three FleasOne night, a man and woman were getting ready to have sex. At
the same time, there were three fleas in the room looking for
somewhere to hide. One crawled between the mattress, one crawled
up the woman's ass, and the third crawled into her pussy.
The man jumped on the bed and the couple began to have sex.
During intercourse, the woman silently left a fart. When they
were finished, the man came inside her and they went to sleep.
The next morning, the three fleas got together. The one that
slept between the mattress said, "I was sleeping fine until a
big rock landed on me."
The flea that slept up the woman's ass said "Yeah? I was
sleeping fine until a big gust of wind blew me out on the sheet."
The third flea, looking really pissed off, said, "I was sleeping
fine 'till some bald headed sonofabitch came along and SPIT on
me!"
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| Posted by Jeepster_J_Gill on 14-Aug-2005 | Brewster the RoosterFarmer Jones' rooster died, and he went into town to buy a new
one. When he got to the seed and feed store, he was told that
they had sold out of roosters, and that he would have to wait
for the next shipment. Farmer Jones told the salesman that he
had a long way to travel, and that he needed a rooster bad, did
he know where one could be had at this time? The salesman told
him that actually, there was one rooster left in the back of the
store that they had sold 10 times already, but that people had
been bringing him back, and that the store was going to get rid
of him in the morning.
Farmer Jones asked what the problem was, and the salesman told
him that the rooster was a bit over sexed. Farmer Jones thought
about it for a minute, and decided that there were enough hens
around his farm to keep a rooster plenty busy, so asked what the
rooster would cost. The salesman said that he could have him,
that the rooster had caused so much trouble, that they were glad
to be rid of him.
That night, Farmer Jones got home about bedtime, and let the new
rooster out in the farmyard, and went to bed. There arose a din
of noise such as Farmer Jones had never heard before, and he
almost went out to see what was the problem, when he remembered
what the salesman had told him about the rooster being
oversexed, and he decided that the rooster would play himself
out by morning...
The next morning, Farmer Jones awoke to total silence. He looked
over at his wife, and saw her laying there sprawled out on the
bed with her skirt hiked up, a blissful smile on her face. He
next went to the window and looked out over the farmyard, and
saw all the animals layed out on their backs, smiling
blissfully. Concerned, Farmer Jones went out into the yard, and
looked around. As far as the eye could see, there were farm
animals sprawled out with this big smile on their faces, and he
noticed that the bodies led off into the distance toward a hill.
On top of this hill, he could make out the rooster, flat on his
back with buzzards circling over head. The farmer made his way
through the bodies, up to the hill, and stood over the rooster,
and said, "Well old boy, ya done did yerself in."
The rooster cocked an eye, and said in a whisper, "Shhhhh,
they're about to land!"
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