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| Posted by dontrell on 09-Aug-2005 | Once a CowboyAn old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whisky, a young lady sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked him,
'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied,
'Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences, so I guess I am.'
He then asked her what she was. She replied,
'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women.'
A little while later a couple sat down next to the old cowboy and asked him,
'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied,
'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'
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| Posted by Sexy Monster on 09-Aug-2005 | Playing aroundOne day, this guy who had been stranded on a desert island all alone for 10 years sees an unusual speck on the horizon.
'It's certainly not a ship,' he thinks to himself.
As the speck gets closer
and closer, he begins to rule out the possibility of a small boat, then even a raft.
Suddenly emerging from the surf walking towards him comes
this drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She approaches the stunned guy and asks,
'How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?'
'Ten years,' he says.
She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left
sleeve and pulls out a packet of fresh cigarettes. He takes a long drag and says,
'Man oh man. Is that ever good.'
She then asks him,
'How long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?'
Trembling, he replies,
'Ten years.'
She reaches over, unzips the waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig, and says,
'Wow, that's absolutely fantastic.'
Then she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wetsuit, looks at him seductively and asks,
'And how long has it been since you've played around?'
The guy, with tears in his eyes, replies,
'Oh my God! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there!'
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| Posted by Starkiz Pop on 09-Aug-2005 | Ed ZacharyA woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex therapist.
Her doctor recommended that she go and see Dr Chang, the well-known sex therapist. So she went to see him and upon entering the examination room, Dr Chang said,
'OK, take off all you crose.'
So she did.
Dr Chang then said,
'Ok now, crawl reery fass to the other side of the room.'
So she did.
Dr Chang then said,
'OK' now crawl reery fass to me,'
So she did.
Dr Chang slowly shook his head and said,
'Your problem vewy bad, you haf Ed Zachary Disease, worse case I
ever see, that why you not haf sex or dates.'
Confused the woman asked,
'What is Ed Zachary Disease?'
Dr Chang replied,
'It when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your arse??™
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| Posted by Nymph on 09-Aug-2005 | Tax the penisThe only thing that the tax department has not taxed yet is the male penis.
This is due to the fact that 40 percent of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30 percent of the time it is bard up, 20 percent of the time it is pissed off and 10 percent of the time it is on the hole.
On top of that, it bas two dependents and they are both nuts.
Effective ! January 2001, your penis will be taxed according to size, as follows:
11-12".,.... Luxury Tax $30
8-10' Pole Tax $25
6-7" Privilege Tax $15
5` Nuisance Tax $3
A male exceeding 12" must file under capital gains while anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION.
Sincerely Pecker Checker,
Tax Department
We are stall waiting for answers to the following:
Are there penalties for early withdrawals?
What if one's penis is self-employed?
Do multiple partners count as a corporation?
Are condoms a deductible expense as work clothes?
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| Posted by Michael Gailling on 09-Aug-2005 | In the RestaurantA lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.
The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her it is still experimental and tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner.
So, that night at dinner, she does. About a week later she's back at the doctor's.
She says, 'Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you suggested. It wasn't five minutes and he jumps up, rakes all the food and dishes on the floor, grabs me, rips all my clothes off and ravishes me right there on the table.'
The doctor says, 'I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.'
'Naah...' she says, 'that's okay. We wouldn??™t go back to that restaurant anyway.'
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| Posted by Brynn Barraclough on 09-Aug-2005 | Too damned closeThe modest young lass had just purchased some lingerie and asked if she might have the sentence,
'if you can read this you're too damned close' embroidered on her panties and bra.
'Yes madam,' said the assistant,
'I'm quite certain that could be done. Would you prefer block or script letters?'
'Braille.' she replied.
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