|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Paul C. Rudge on 14-Aug-2005 | Pickle SlicerBill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for
a number of years when he came home one day and confess to his
wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick
his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he
should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated
that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the
compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His
wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge
to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, she got fired too."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Katy Henderson on 14-Aug-2005 | Two Statues in the ParkFor decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced
each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from
Heaven.
"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them,
"that I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring
you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do
anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel
brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for
the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling,
laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the
two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking
knowingly.
Grinning even more widely, the female statue turned to the male
statue and said, "Great! Only this time YOU hold the pigeon down
and I'LL shit on its head."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Its All Good on 14-Aug-2005 | Fucking TreeA guy looking for a job finds that a certain mill is hiring
lumberjacks. So he goes out to the mill and talks to the foreman
who tells him all about the job, pay, and housing for all of the
lumberjacks. Everything looks perfect and the guy is ready to go
to work at once.
But when he was walking around he noticed that there weren't any
women around. So he pulls the foreman aside and asks him what
everyone does for sex. The foreman laughs and brings him over to
this big tree that has a hole in it. "This is the fucking tree.
Whenever you get horny, come over and put your dick in the hole
and fuck away. Trust me, it does the trick every time." The man
thinks it's kind of odd, but takes the job anyway.
The days go by and soon the man gets horny. He thinks about
taking it out on the tree, but it still seems weird to him, so
he goes to his room and jacks off. A week passes and the guy
gets hornier and hornier and jacking off isn't enough for him.
So finally he figures, "What the hell," and sneaks over to the
fucking tree in the middle of the night, whips out his dick and
puts it in the hole. To his surprise, it feels great! Soon
enough he starts to fuck the shit out of it. After a great
session he goes back to bed with a big smile.
The next day after a hard day of work, he makes another visit to
the tree and it's even better this time. Again he pounds away at
the tree. He can't believe how amazing the tree is and wonders
what kind of magic tree they have. Things just couldn't get
better for him.
The following day, he runs to the tree after work, hurriedly
takes out his dick and puts it into the sweet warm fucking tree.
The tree just gets better and better everyday. He goes at it
again, and afterwards can hardly walk.
The next day all he can think about is going back to the fucking
tree. Every tree that he cuts down is one less tree in his way
of the fucking tree. Finally the day is done, and he takes off
for the tree. Pulls out his dick, grabs hold of the tree, and
shoves it in. Nothing. The man is shocked. He tries again, but
still nothing. Feeling very frustrated, the man storms off to
the foreman. "What's wrong with the fucking tree? I've been
there three times already and it's been better each time, but
today, I ran up to it, stuck my dick in and nothing happened.
What the hell happened?" The foreman thinks for a second and
then says, "Oh yeah, I know, didn't they tell you? Today's your
day in the tree."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Paul C. Randall on 14-Aug-2005 | Making SandwichesThere was a boy about 18 years old, and he still lived at home.
He and his girlfriend were out for dinner, and when they came
back they wanted to get a little...busy;). When the boy came
inside the house with his girlfriend, his parents were just
leaving. Your little brother is sleeping in his room. They two
older ones started making out and soon they went to the boys
room to get in bed and do the horizontal. That's when the boy
remembered that his brother was still there, sleeping in the
bottom bunk bed they shared. He was sound asleep, so the boy
told his girlfriend that they would have sex in the top bunk,
and use code. They stripped down and he said,
"ok, if you want me to change positions, say lettuce, if you
want it harder, say tomato." Soon the girl was screaming,
"Lettuce"
"Tomato"
"lettuce" over and over. They woke up the little boy. That's
when the little one said,
"can you two stop making sandwiches up there...you're getting
mayonaise all over me!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Chris J. Coyle on 14-Aug-2005 | GenieTwo friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar but he
didn't have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one. "I
sure do," he replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled
out a 12 inch Bic lighter. "Wow!" said his friend, "where did
you get that monster." "I got it from my genie." "You have a
genie?" he asked. "Yes, he's right here in my golf bag." "Could
I see him?" He opens his golf bag and out pops the genie. The
friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant
me one wish?" "Yes I will," the genie said so he asks him for a
million bucks and the genie hops back into the golf bag and
leaves him standing there waiting for his million bucks.
Suddenly the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million
ducks flying overhead is heard. The friend tells his golfing
partner, "I asked for a million bucks not ducks!" He answers, "I
forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really
think I asked him for a 12 inch Bic?"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by jennifer on 14-Aug-2005 | Young Pregnant BrideAn 80 year old man was having his annual check up and the doctor
asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he
boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and
having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell
you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never
missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he
accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun. So he was
in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of
him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and
squeezed the handle, and do you know what happened?" the doctor
queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No."
The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must
have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
