Pickup lines of dubious value:...

• That dress would look awfully nice on the floor next to my bed.
• Do you want to fuck or should I apologize?
• Say, didn't we go to different schools together?
• Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us.
• Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
• Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
• You smell wet. Let's party!
• If I told you that you have a nice body, would you hold it against me?
• Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me? I thought you knew!
• You look just like a hooker I know in New York.
• If you've lost your virginity, can I have the package it came in?
• I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.
• Nice dress, could I talk you out of it?
• Excuse me. Have I fucked you yet?

How did the Burger King get the Dairy Queen...

He forgot to wrap his whopper.

Have you heard the one about the . . . ....

. . . executive who was so old that when he chased his secretary around the desk, he couldn't remember why.

One night a drunk is walking down the sidewalk...

The officer says to the man,"sir are you ok?"

"Officer someone just stole my car!"

"Now sir how do you know someone stole your car?"

The man replies,"Well, the last time I saw it, it was at the end of my key!"

The officer says,"Jesus Christ your drunk, for God's sake I should arrest you for indecent exposure," pointing to the man's crotch,"you have your dick hanging out of your pants!"

The man looks down and says "Holy shit!"

"Now what?"

"Someone just stole my girlfriend!"

A popular whore house was visited by a lesbian....

The lesbian requested a 15 year old, and the madam replied "I'm sorry, we don't serve minors to lickers."

One day a lady went to the doctors' office...

So the doctor went into the back of the shop and got a bottle of 100 pills. He told her that "if you give your husband one of these pills then he would have sex with you."

So she bought the pills and took them home. She put one in his dinner and he ate it. They had sex till midnight. The next day she thought it was so good that she wanted some more. so she put two in his dinner and they had sex till twelve noon the next day. She thought it was so good that she put all of the pills in his dinner and he ate it.

Three weeks later a little kid was outside screaming and a guy walked up to him and asked him what was wrong the little kid said, "My mom is dead, my sister is pregnent, my asshole hurts and my dad is in there on the floor saying, here kitty kitty kitty"