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| Posted by Pink Floyd on 14-Aug-2005 | Pick-up LinesHere's some good pick up lines.
1. Your name must be Gillete. The best a man can get.
2. Is that a mirror in your pocket, because I can see myself in your pants.
3. I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed-rock.
4. The word of the day is legs. Lets go to my place and spread the word.
5. Wanna go out for some pizza and a fuck? What's wrong, don't you like
pizza?
6. Your name must be Tony because your looking grrrrreat!
7. If your left leg was named Thanksgiving, and your right leg Chirstmas,
would you let me visit you between the holidays?
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| Posted by Laura Muraska on 14-Aug-2005 | Funeral MishapA funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At
the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when
they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint
moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for ten more years, and then dies. A ceremony is again held at
the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again
carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out,
"Watch out for the wall!"
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| Posted by Daniel Rush on 14-Aug-2005 | Provide for the FamilyA young girl brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner,
while the women are cleaning the table, the father invites the fiance into
the living room. "So, what are your plans?" the father asks. "I'm a bible
scholar," he replies. "A bible scholar," the father says, "admirable...but
what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as
she is accustomed to?" "I will study," the young man replies, "and God
will provide for us." "And children?" asks the father, "How will you
support children?" "I will concentrate on my studies," the young man
replies, "God will provide for us." The conversation proceeds like this,
and each time the father questions, the fiance insists that God will
provide.
Later that evening, the mother is alone with the father and asks him "So,
how did it go?" The father says, "He has no job and no plans. But, the
good news is, he thinks I am God!"
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| Posted by LittleDan on 14-Aug-2005 | QuestionsQ: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
A: Sexual harassment
Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
A: $3.99 a minute
Q: What is the definition of "making love"?
A: Something a woman does while a guy is screwing her.
Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but you get the remote.
Q: What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
A: Men usually miss them.
Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants."
Woman: "No thanks. There's already one asshole in there."
Q: What do men and tile floors have in common?
A: If you lay them well, you can walk on them for years.
HIM: "Why can't I tell when you have an orgasm?"
HER: "Because you're never home when it happens."
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| Posted by cody on 14-Aug-2005 | CruisingA man wanted to determine if both his wife and mistress were
faithful to him. So he decided to send them on the same
cruise, then later question each one on the other's behavior.
When his wife returned, he asked her about the people on the
trip in general, then casually asked her about the specific
behavior of the passenger he knew to be his mistress. "She
slept with nearly every man on the ship," his wife reported.
The disheartened man then rendezvoused with his cheating
mistress to ask her the same questions about his wife.
"She was a real lady," his mistress said.
"How so?" the encouraged man asked.
"She came on board with her husband and never left his side."
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| Posted by IOVANA on 14-Aug-2005 | Blind EyeThe husband arrives home early from work one evening to see his
wife on the floor scrubbing the kitchen tiles.
Her tantalizing rear is shaking and she is only wearing a mini
skirt and a pair of white cotton knickers. Because she is bent
over, her panties are showing out the bottom of her skirt. The
husband also notices that her panties have a little wet spot,
meaning she is ready for him
He tip toes over to her and she is completely unaware of his
presence. He pulls down her panties and begins to lick up her
juices. She is groaning and moaning and shaking her rear at him.
He gets a hard on and decides to fuck her right then and there.
he whips out his cock and proceeds to fuck her like he never has
before. It went on for hours. When he was finished, he clipped
her over the ear.
She looked stunned, turned to him and said "What was that for?"
He replied, "That was for not turning around to see who it was!"
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