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| Posted by John R. Beard on 14-Aug-2005 | Please Stay SantaSanta came down the chimney one night and saw a pretty lady in a
teddy. She said, "Please stay Santa." Santa said, "Ho! Ho! Ho!
Gotta go, gotta go." Then turned around and started filling the
stockings.
When he turned around again, she had removed her top. She said,
"Please stay Santa." Santa said, "Ho! Ho! Ho! Gotta go, gotta
go." Then he turned around and started putting presents under
the tree.
Then he turned around again. The woman had removed her panties.
She said, "Please stay Santa." Santa said, "Ho! Ho! Ho! Gotta
stay! Gotta stay! Can't get up the chimney with a woody!"
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7 people have rated this joke: |
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| Posted by Jayne L. San Jose on 14-Aug-2005 | Camel TroubleA man in Egypt needs to cross the Sahara Desert. He goes to a
camel owner and asks to buy one of his camels. The owner says,
"Here's one fine camel, very fast and 3 drinks across desert,
$200." The man says, "No, that's out of my budget. do you have
any others?"
The owner goes through a few other camels, the man refusing each
one of them, until they come across one. The owner says, "Very
old and slow camel, no drink across desert, $20, but sometimes
he will need a little jerking off." The man buys the camel.
They are half way across the desert when the camel stops. The
man asks the camel, "Are you hungry?" The camel shakes its head.
"Thirsty?" The camel shakes it head. "Tired?" The camel shakes
its head. "All right then," and the man jacks off the camel.
This happens a few times, until they are almost across the
desert, and the camel stops.
"Are you hungry?" the man asks again. The camel shakes its head.
"Thirsty?" The camel shakes its head. "Tired?" The camel shakes
its head. "All right then," and the man jacks off the camel, but
nothing happens. "What do you want?!" The man asks annoyed. The
camel opened its mouth.
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3 people have rated this joke: |
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| Posted by THe LeFT BLiNKeR on 14-Aug-2005 | ServingGrandpa was showing little Johnny around the farm, and when they
come to the corral they see to cows fucking. He explained,
"That's a bull and a cow, and he's serving her."
A little later on, they saw horses fucking. The Grandpa said,
"That's a stud and a mare, and he's serving her, too."
That night at supper, after everyone was seated and grace was
said, Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Will you please serve
the turkey?"
Little Johnny jumped up and yelled, "If he does, I'm eating a
hamburger!"
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3 people have rated this joke: |
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| Posted by Canice J. Leung on 14-Aug-2005 | Baby BearIt is the start of spring and baby bear emerges from his cave
looking a wreck. He's skin and bones; his body is shaking; his
legs can barely support him and his eyes have huge bags
underneath them.
Seeing him, mother bear asks: "What happened, baby bear? Didn't
you hibernate like I told you to?"
To which baby bear replies: "Hibernate?! Shit! I thought you
said masturbate!"
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5 people have rated this joke: |
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| Posted by Krusty Dancer on 14-Aug-2005 | Monkey Fucks Rinoa monkey is happily swinging through the jungle when all of a
sudden he becomes very very horny.....
he continues to swing aimlessly through the jungle with a
monster hard on and gagging for a ride.. the further he swings
the hornier he gets looking for anything to relieve his load....
All of a sudden the monkey spots a rino eating some grass....
the monkey swiftly swings down and fires one into the
rino....boom....
The rino looks up in an almighty rage and starts chasing the
monkey miles and miles through the forest the monkey covers with
the rino hot on his heels...
the monkey spots a human hunter all dressed up in the english
style hunting gear reading a USA Today...the monkey swiftly
dives ontop of the hunter and beats him up removes his clothing
puts on the clothing and sits reading the USA Today.....
The rino approaches the monkey dressed up as a hunter and says
"excuse me sir but have you seen a monkey swing passed here
recently....the monkey replies from under his disguise " is that
the monkey that fucked the rino......the rino answers with a
sigh "oh its not made the paper already".....the end
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3 people have rated this joke: |
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| Posted by Sean Wicklund on 12-Aug-2005 | CoupleThere's this couple and they've been dating for quite some time. He wants her really bad, but she won't sleep with him because she's saving herself for marriage. As they were kissing, and doing their thing, he's very hot and bothered, and he said, "Oh come on, just a feel."
She said, "No, I'm saving myself for marriage."
They went back and forth. He said, "Just one feel, I promise, that's all, just one feel."
She finally agreed, "Okay, just one feel, but that's all, just one, I'm saving myself for marriage."
So he puts his hand down her panties and takes a little feel. Things are getting a lot warmer and he asks, "Can't we please?"
She of course states, "NO, I'm saving myself for marriage."
He says, "Please, please?" and she says, "No, absolutely not, I'm saving myself for marriage."
He says, "How about if I agree to only just put the tip in?"
She says, "No way, I'm saving myself for marriage."
He begs and pleads with her, "I promise, just the tip, no more,and we'll stop after that."
She finally gives in, "Okay, but just the tip, no more, and that's all."
He says okay and pulls down her panties and puts the tip in... he's so hot and ready that he can't control himself shoves it the whole way in and starts going to town... she meanwhile is moaning and groaning and shouts, "OKAY, GO AHEAD, PUT IT THE WHOLE WAY IN!"
A little stunned, he says, "NO, absolutely not, a deals a deal!"
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