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| Posted by LUSHLEY on 13-Aug-2005 | Relationship Score Card!
1) SIMPLE DUTIES-
You go out to buy her flowers: +5
But return with beer: -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night: You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing: 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's something: +5 You pummel it with a six iron: +10 It's her cat: -10
2) SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party: 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a drinking buddy: -2
Named Tiffany: -4
Tiffany is a dancer: -6
Tiffany has implants: -8
3) SATURDAY AFTERNOONS-
You visit her parents: +1
You visit her parents and actually make conversation: +3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television: -3 And the television is off: -6 You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear:-6 And you didn't even go to college: -10 And it's not really your underwear: -15
4) HER BIRTHDAY-
You take her out to dinner: 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar: +1
Okay, it is a sports bar: -2
And it's all-you-can-eat night: -3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team: -10
You give her a gift: You give her a gift, and it's a small appliance: -10 You give her a gift, and it's not a small appliance: +1 You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate: +2 You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months: +30 You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day: -10 With her credit card: -30 And whatever you bought is two sizes too big: -40
5) THOUGHTFULNESS
You forget to pick her up at the bus station: -25 Which is in Detroit: -35
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast: -50
6) A NIGHT OUT WITH YOUR PALS
You have a few beers: -9
For every beer after three, -2 again
And miss curfew by an hour: -1
You get home at 3 a.m.: -20
You get home at 3 a.m. smelling of booze and cheap cigars: -30
And not wearing any pants: -40
Is that a tattoo? -200
7) A NIGHT OUT, JUST THE TWO OF YOU
You go see a comic: +2
He's crude and sexist: -2
You laugh: -5
You laugh too much: -10
She's not laughing: -15
You laugh harder: -25
8) DRIVING
You lose the directions on a trip: -4
You lose the directions and end up getting lost: -10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town: -15
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals: -25
She finds out you lied about having a black belt: -60
9) COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk, you listen, displaying a concerned expression: +20
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes: +5
You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the TV: +10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep: -50
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| Posted by terrys funny on 13-Aug-2005 | Computer GenderEveryone is aware that ships are addressed as 'she' and 'her'. It is often wondered what gender computers should be addressed. To answer that question, we set up two groups of computer experts. The first was comprised of women, and the second of men. Each group was asked to recommend whether computers should be referred to in the feminine gender, or the masculine gender. They were asked to give 4 reasons for their recommendation.
The group of women reported that the computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.
The men, on the other hand, concluded that Computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
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| Posted by JoJo C on 11-Aug-2005 | Extra pillowOne night a man was going to bed with his wife.He put an extra pillow on his pillow.His wife asked:"Why are you putting two pillows under your head" and he replied:"Because I haven`t slept for two nights!".
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| Posted by laugh16 on 11-Aug-2005 | The SupermanSuperman is flying over a nude beach and since he can fly at super speed he can go down and have sex with all the women and they wont know what happend, so he flys down and has sex with almost everyone down there than gets back up, than he sees wonder women and is happy because he has always had a thing for her and he knows if he is down there to long she will catch hin so he goes down and gets it over with realy fast and gets back up, than wonder women sits and says what happend and the invisible man on top of her says i dont know but my ass realy hurts!
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| Posted by Paula L. Forza on 11-Aug-2005 | Obsessions meeting4 women enter an obsession class with their children to learn about and deal with their odsession.
the consuleor says to the first mom:
"your obsessed with money, you named your daughter penny."
then the mom takes her kid and leaves
the consuleor says to the second mom:
"your obsessed with food you named your daughter candy."
then the mom takes her kid and leaves
the consuleor says to the third mom:
" your obsessed with alcohol. you named your kid brandy"
then the mom takes her kid and leaves.
then the fourth mom whispers to her kid this is ridiculous, come on Dick were leaving.
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| Posted by Brian Perfilio on 11-Aug-2005 | LazynessHUSBAND: luv can u see that honey
WIFE: what honey?
HUSBAND: cup of tea with 2 sugars please.
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