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| Posted by david a. zeimer on 14-Aug-2005 | Resist the UrgesThree young candidates for the priesthood are told by the
Monsignor they have to pass one more test: The Celibacy Test.
The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them to undress,
and a small bell is tied to each man's penis.
In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer costume.
She begins to dance sensually around the first candidate.
*Ting-a-ling* goes the bell... "Oh Patrick," says the Monsignor,
"I am so disappointed in your lack of control. Go take a long,
cold shower and pray about your carnal weakness." The candidate
leaves.
The dancer then continues, slowly dancing around the second
candidate and peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil
drops: *Ting-a-ling* goes the bell... "Joseph, Joseph," sighs
the Monsignor. "You too are unable to withstand your carnal
desires. Go take a long, cold shower and pray for forgiveness"
The dancer then proceeds to dance her sensuous dance around the
third candidate. Slowly around him she dances, now devoid of all
of her veils, but the third candidate remains unmoved. "James,
my son, I am truly proud of you," says the Monsignor. "Only you
have the true strength of character needed to become a great
priest". Now, go and join your weaker brethren in the shower".
*Ting-a-ling*
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| Posted by coucool slim (moe dog) on 14-Aug-2005 | Little ManA guy walked into a bathroom and started pissing He looked over
and saw a really little man taking a piss. The guy looked over
at him and said, "Hello." The little man said, "Hi, I'm a
leprechaun!" The guy was amazed. The leprechaun said "I like
you. I am going to grant you 3 wishes."
The guy was skeptical but he decided to go along with it. The
guy said, "Okay, I want a big house." The leprechaun said, "When
you return home, you will have a huge mansion!"
The guy said, "And then I want a beautiful woman for my own."
The leprechaun said, "I will give you a woman so wonderful you
will never look at anyone else."
The guy didn't know what to wish for 3rd. He looked over and saw
the size of this leprechaun's dick. It was huge. He said "Okay,
my third wish is to have a big dick as big as yours." The
leprechaun said, "I'll give it to you if you let me screw you up
the butt." The guy didn't want to, but he really wanted a big
dick. So the two were tearing it up! All the sudden the guy
yelled out, "I can't believe I'm letting a leprechaun screw me
up the butt!" Then the leprechaun said, "I can't believe you
think I am a leprechaun."
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():gay jokes (100): Three Wishes Each for a Bear and a Rabbit |
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| Posted by Adam P. Lafrance on 14-Aug-2005 | Three Wishes Each for a Bear and a RabbitOne day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a
water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen
another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was
chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.
The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, "Because you
are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both
three wishes. Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a
minute, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the
bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."
For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and
immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of
the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.
It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all
the bears in the next forest were female as well."
The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it
and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was
asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked
for money and bought the motorcycle.
For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I
wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female."
The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said, "I wish that
the bear was gay."
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| Posted by Brenda R. Dople on 14-Aug-2005 | Wood You Tell?Jack and Dan work together and are good friends while at work.
Outside of work they live different lives. One day, Jack and Dan
are in the breakroom relaxing and drinking coffee when Jack asks
Dan the following:
JACK: Hey Dan can I ask you a personal question?
DAN: It depends, how personal?
JACK: Not much. Just wondering if you keep any secrets from your
wife?
DAN: Oh no. I tell my wife everything.
JACK: Really. Then let me ask you this. If you went camping in
the woods. You got all drunk and passed out, and in the morning
you woke up with scrapes all on your knees and hands. And coming
out of your ass was a used condom! Would you tell your wife that?
DAN YELLS: Hell no!
JACK: Okay! (Pauses a few seconds) Hey Dan, Wanna go camping?
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| Posted by Canice J. Leung on 14-Aug-2005 | Daughter DatingThe mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter
was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and
adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family
doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and
any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion.
He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth
control and, until then, talk to her and give her a box of
condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date,
the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of
condoms.
The girl started to laugh and reached over to hug her mother
saying, "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating
Susan!"
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| Posted by andrew j. gregg on 14-Aug-2005 | Hot DogTwo college buddies wanted to go drinking one Saturday night.
Having only 50 cents between them they devised a plan to get
free drinks all night.
They went to a vendor at the corner and ordered a plain hot dog
no bun. One of the guys then placed the hotdog in the front of
his jeans. They proceeded to the first bar.
Not wanting to push their luck they kept the tab fairly low and
when the bartender asked for payment the two gentlemen looked at
each other and one guy opened his zipper and let the hotdog
protrude while the other got on his knees and placed his mouth
on it.
Disgusted with this scene the bartender threw the two out. This
went on for about 5 bars when one guy looked at the other and
said he was tired of getting on his knees, "Let me have the
hotdog in the next bar."
The first guy shrugged the guy off and said, "Oh shoot, I got
rid of that thing 3 bars back...."
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