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():love jokes (2491): Santa and the thoughtful 20 year old |
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| Posted by Cody G. Jackson on 14-Aug-2005 | Santa and the thoughtful 20 year old
The Santa Claus at the mall was very surprised
when a young lady about twenty years old walked
up and sat on his lap.
Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults,
but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her,
"What do you want for Christmas?"
"Something for my mother, please." said the young lady.
"Something for your mother? Well, that's very
thoughtful of you," smiled Santa.
"What do you want me to bring her?"
Without blinking she replied, "A son-in-law!"
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| Posted by Not Kool Man on 14-Aug-2005 | The Big Red RingThere once was a guy who had a Big Red Ring around his dick! So
one day he went to the doctors and said " Doc, Doc there's a Big
Red Ring around my dick. And i can't get rid of it!!" So the Doc
said "here i got these pills you take evry night and don't miss
one night cause if you do you'll mess it all up, and it'll never
work"!So that night the guy went home and took the pill.Then a
few days later he came back,"Doc, Doc the Big Red Ring, the Big
Red Ring it's still there!!! So the Doc said ," Here's some
cream take it home and do the same thing!" So the guy took it
home and did the same thing as before. A few days later he came
back to the doctors." Doc, Doc the Big Red Ring, the Big Red
Ring it's still there, it's still there! So the Doc gave him
some more cream and told him to do the same thing as before. So
the next day the guy comes back," Doc, Doc the Big Red Ring, the
Big Red Ring it's gone, it's gone!!! What was that stuff, what
was that stuff?! The Doc looks at him and goes O that was just
lipstick remover!!!!!!!
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| Posted by Labblue* on 14-Aug-2005 | The anniversery giftOne day a woman needed to get something for her husband for
their anniversery. She decides that it would be really nice to
get him a pet. So she goes to the local pet store and goes
straight to the front desks and asks the person at the counter
"I need a present for my husband for are anniversery what type
of pet should I get him?" she asked. "Well we have plenty of
dogs and men allways like dogs" he said. "No, that wont do
because he is allergic to them". "I know, I have just the thing"
as he says this he runs into the back of the store. A few
minutes later comes back with a cage and inside it is a huge
toad. "This is one of my most valued possesions and I'm willing
to give it to you for only fifty dollars" the clerk says. "I'm
not going to pay fifty dollars for a toad" she yells. "Well this
isn't any ordinarry toad it gives the best blow jobs in the
world". "Well his anniversery is tomorrow and I do really need a
gift so I guess I'll take it" and then she bought the toad and
went straight home. The next day the husband recieves his gift
and says "a toad is that all I get?". "Its not any toad it
supposedlly gives the best blow jobs ever and cant you just at
least try it once?". He agrees a gives it a try and the clerk
was right. The toad gave him the best blow job he has ever had.
The next night the wife is about to fall asleep when she hears a
lot of noise coming down stairs like pots and pans being banged
togeather. So she goes down stairs to see what the noise is. The
wife sees the husband doing something with the toad and she asks
"what are you doing"? The husband replies "If I can teach this
toad to cook then your out of here bitch".
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| Posted by nay-nay12 on 14-Aug-2005 | Really Expensive BarbieA guy walks into the Toys-R-Us toy shop in downtown Cleveland
and says to the assistant: "Could you please show me your Barbie
dolls? My daughter's birthday is today and I have to get
something she will love!"
She says, "Certainly, sir. Here, we have:
*Fashion Barbie @ $15.95
*Vacation Barbie @ $15.95
*Housewife Barbie @ $15.95 and
*Divorcee Barbie @ $215.95!"
The guy asks in astonishment,"Why is "Divorcee Barbie so much?
She looks the same to me."
The assistant answers, "Well, sir, Divorcee Barbie comes
complete with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's golf clubs, his
season tickets to the Tribe and the Browns, his Gold MasterCard,
his yacht and his summer home. All items that would usually be
sold seperately....."
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| Posted by Dejoira T. Phillips on 14-Aug-2005 | Just Married!This young couple just got married,and in the family it was
tradition for the best man to have the 1st dance with the
bride,so they danced and then they danced the 2nd song too.Then
the 3rd.By the time the 4th song came on,the groom ran up and
kicked the bride between the legs. A riot then broke
out,everyone went to jail even the guests.So the next week at
court the judge asked the best man "what happened?" He replied
"your honor,we were just dancing and the groom came up and
kicked the bride between the legs."That must have hurt" said the
judge."Damn right it did"said the best man "it broke 3 of my
fingers!"
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| Posted by Stephen Schug on 14-Aug-2005 | CookiesAn elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's final agony, as
he started to slip away, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his
favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the
bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the
bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the
stairs. Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled
downstairs defying the pull of Morpheus.
With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing in
the kitchen. Were it not for the immense pain caused by his
extreme exertions, he would have thought himself already in
heaven for there spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen
table - were hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his
devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, with tears in his eyes, he
threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a
rumpled posture. His parched lips parted: the wondrous taste of
the sweet biscuit was already mentally in his mouth, seemingly
bringing him back to life. He felt renewed strength pulsate
through his body.
The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to one lone
biscuit at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked
with a spatula by his wife......
"Fuck off, " she said, "they're for the funeral."
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