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| Posted by Lioness Mage on 09-Aug-2005 | Short fuseA bodybuilder picks up a woman at a bar and takes her home with him. He takes off his shirt and the woman says,
'What a great chest you have.'
The bodybuilder tells her,
'That's 500 kg of dynamite.'
He takes off his pants and the woman says,
'What massive calves you have.'
The bodybuilder tells her,
'That's 500 kg of dynamite.'
He then takes off his underwear and the woman goes running and screaming out of the apartment.
The bodybuilder puts his clothes back on and chases after her.
He finally catches up and asks her why she ran out of the apartment.
The woman replies,
'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw what a short fuse you have.'
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| Posted by Foxy Mama on 09-Aug-2005 | Which one to chooseA man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test.
He gives each woman a present of $5000 and waits to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man is impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much, Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000, gives him back the original $5000 and invests the rest in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously the man is impressed.
The man had a difficult choice and thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money and then he married the one with the biggest tits.
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| Posted by bloody bob on 09-Aug-2005 | Great hearingDuane rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he is there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Duane smiles at the young lady and she strikes up a conversation with him.
As they talk, her robe slips open, and it's quite obvious that she has nothing on underneath. Poor Duane breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and says,
'Let's go in my apartment, I hear someone coming...'
He goes with her into the apartment, and after she closes the door, she leans against it allowing her robe to fall off completely. Being completely nude, she purrs at him,
'What would you say is my best feature?'
The flustered, embarrassed Duane stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out,
'Oh, it's got to be your ears!'
She's astounded.
'Why my ears? Look at these breasts!
They are full, don't sag, and they're 100 percent natural. My buns - they are firm and do not sag, and have no cellulite. Look at this skin, no blemishes or scars. Why in heaven's name would you say my ears are the best part of my body?'
Clearing his throat once again, Duane stammers,
'Outside when you said you heard someone coming? That was me.'
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| Posted by THe LeFT BLiNKeR on 09-Aug-2005 | Believe in geniesA couple went golfing one day at a very, very exclusive course lined with million-dollar homes. On the third tee, the husband cautioned,
'Honey, be careful when you drive. If we break one of those windows it'll cost us a fortune to repair.'
Of course, she teed off and promptly shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course.
The husband cringed.
'I warned you to watch out. Now we'll have to go up there and apologize and see how much that lousy drive is going to cost.'
They walked up, knocked on the door, and a warm voice said,
'Come on in.'
When they opened the door they saw glass all over the place and a broken bottle lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the couch said,
'Are you the people that broke the window?'
'Uh yeah, we're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.
'0H!, no apology is necessary.
Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.
'Now that you've released me I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself.'
'Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'
'No problem, it's the least I can do. And you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie said looking at the wife.
'I'd like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world,' she said.
'Consider it done,' the genie said.
'And what's your wish, genie?' they asked in unison.
'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife.'
The husband looked at his wife and said,
'Gee, honey, you know we now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?'
She mulled it over for a few moments and said,
'Considering all that, I guess I wouldn't mind.'
The genie took the woman upstairs and ravished her for the rest of the afternoon. Both had been satisfied repeatedly, and as the genie rolled over he looked at the wife and asked,
'How old is your husband?'
'He's 35,' she responded breathlessly.
'No shit! Thirty-five years old and that idiot still believes in genies?'
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| Posted by Aimee Davis on 09-Aug-2005 | Cheap ViagraViagra can now be purchased at a huge discount under its generic name. Just ask your doctor or chemist for the generic Viagra known as: Mycoxaflopin.
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| Posted by hiyayaywhopee on 09-Aug-2005 | Scaring the kidsA guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
'What's up?' he says.
'I'm having a heart attack,' cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialling. his four-year-old son comes up and says,
`Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your wardrobe and he's got no clothes on!'
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.
'You jerk,' yells the husband, 'my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!'
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