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| Posted by The Bulldozer on 14-Aug-2005 | The magic voodoo penisonce there was this guy and he didnt know what to get his wife
for her birthday so he went into this shop and asked this guy
what he had, the guy said, does your wife like dolls, no said
the husband, ok said the shop man, what does she like?, she
likes sex replied the man laughing, well i have just the thing
for her then replied the man, he bought out this wooden penis.
the husband says, what the hell is that, its a magic vodoo penis
replied the shop man, just tell it where to go and it will go
there.
ok the man said, i will try it, the man said vodoo penis, door
handle.
the vodoo penis went to the door and knowcked the handle off.
alright i will take it the man said.
so the man took it home to his wife and she was thrilled.
that night, her husband was out and she felf a liffle horney so
she got the vodoo penis and said" vodoo penis, my vagina, the
voodoo penis went there immediatly and gave her heaps of
pleasure, but she eventually got sick of it and she tried to get
it out but it wouldnt come out so she paniced and hoped in her
car with no clothes on and started driving as fast as she could.
she eventually got pulled over by the police.
why are you driving so fast?, she replied " theres a mgic vodoo
penis in me and the police man said " voodoo penis my ass".
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| Posted by nick eckhardt on 14-Aug-2005 | $40A guy was in a bar drinking lightly after work. When he saw the
time, he said "Whoa, I gotta get home or my wife will kill me!"
His friend goes, "Listen, drink more and don't worry about it."
So he did. Then, the guy got soooooo drunk that he puked up
onto himself. "Oh man, my wifes gonna murder me." he slurred.
"Don't worry" his friend said "here is a $20 note, ok. Tell ya
wife this...."
Later that night, the man got home.
"Who do you think you are coming home drunk to me with vomit over
your shirt. You bastard! You're a discrace of a husband" The
wife cried. "No sweetie" Mr Drunk began, "I stayed late at the
office and on the way home some druck chucked on me. He gave me
$20 as an apology. The wife stared at her husband. "Why is
there $40 in your pocket then?" The husband stared at the floor
and said, "Oh, um, um, um, he shit in my pants as well!"
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| Posted by Jeff L. Aho on 14-Aug-2005 | Man & WifeThere is a husband and a wife the wife looks at the husband and
says today i saw this creme when you put it on your boobs they
make them bigger , the man was pleased when he heard the news so
he asked his wife how much for a bottle of it and she said $250
an ounce , the man with an angered face looks at his wife and
says that is way too much why dont you just use the same stuff
you use on your ASS
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| Posted by Eddi J. Mur on 14-Aug-2005 | Son asks his mother...This is actually true!
There was a little boy and his mom was pregnant. The mom kept
getting fatter and fatter until finally the little boy asked
what was wrong with her belly. She sat the little boy down and
asked him if he remembered that they were having a baby? He said
yes. She explained that the baby was inside of her and thats
why she was growing bigger. The boy, looking confused, waits
for a second and as his mom is about to leave the room, he calls
her back. "Mom", he asks, "You have a baby in your belly, thats
why its getting bigger... so do you have a baby in your butt
too?"
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| Posted by G H on 14-Aug-2005 | FliesI stopped at a friends shop the other day and found him stalking
around with a flyswat. When i asked if he was getting any flies,
he answered:'Yeah, three males and two females.'
Curious, i asked him how he could tell the difference.
He replied:'Three were on the beer can and two were on the
phone'.
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| Posted by maddog on 14-Aug-2005 | Top 5 Bar Jokes1. A woman walks into a bar with her well-groomed poodle. She
yells, "this place is a pigstye." The bartender comes up to her
and say,"How can you bring that creature in here? The woman
exclaims, "I'll have you know that this is a prize winning
poodle. The guy says, "I wasn't talkin to you, lady."
2. A guy came into a bar one night and ordered two beers. He
drinks the first one and poors the second one over his hand. He
does this three times. He orders a beer. He drinks one and poors
the other one over his hand. The bartender asks him, "You're
payin for the beers so I don't care but im just wonderin, what
are you doing?" The guy says, "I'm gettin my date drunk."
3. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and says, "I'll have the
Salmon Salad. The bartender says, "We dont serve food here."
4. This guy tells his friend about a bar where if you drink two
beers, you get laid. The guy says, "Great, lets go!" They both
go and have two beers. Nothing happens. They do it agin. Still
Nothing. The guy says, "I thought you said we would get laid."
"I don't know, that's what my sister told me."
5. A guy is playin a piano in a bar and he has a monkey on the
piano. The monkey drinks a few beers and starts dancing around
the bar. He pees in some guy's beer. He walks over to the piano
player and says, "Do you know your monkey just pissed in my
drink?" "No, but if you hum a few bars maybe i'll catch on."
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