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| Posted by iRiShBaBi Smith on 14-Aug-2005 | The SausageOne day a little cat was walking through the park when he came
across a pond. He peered into the pond and noticed that at the
bottom of the pond there was a little cocktail sausage. The cat
was feeling quite puckish so as the water wasn't that deep he
reached in with his little paw and hooked the sausage out and
ate it.
The next day the cat was walking through the park again and he
peered into the pond again. There was another sausage but this
time it was a normal sized one so the cat reached in but this
time he had to put his whole arm into the pond. The cat hooked
the sausage out and ate it.
The next day the cat looked into the pond and found an enormous
Cumberland sausage at the bottom of the pond. It looked so
delicious but it was so deep that he had to actually put the
whole of his body into the pond to reach the sausage. He found
it very tasty.
The moral of the story is
The bigger the sausage - the wetter the pussy.
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| Posted by luke s. heald on 09-Aug-2005 | Birth controlThree women are discussing sex and birth control.
The first woman says,
'We're Catholic, so we can't use it.'
The second woman says,
`I'm also Catholic, but we use the rhythm method.'
The third woman says, `We use the bucket-and-saucer method.'
Fascinated, the other women ask for an explanation.
`Well, I'm 1.80 m and my husband is 1.50 m,' the third woman says.
'We make love standing up with him standing on a bucket, and when his eyes get as big as saucers I kick the bucket out from under him.'
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| Posted by Dimitre Atanasov on 09-Aug-2005 | Fill the apartmentA proper English gentleman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. So they did.
Before he left, he told the girl that he didn't have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment `Rent for Apartment'.
On the way to the office he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following note:
Dear Madam, Enclosed find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:
1. It bad never been occupied;
2. There was plenty of heat; and
3. It was small enough to make me cozy and at home.
Last night, however, I found out that it bad been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat and that it was entirely too large.
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following letter.
Dear Sir, First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the landlady.
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| Posted by Azrael Muadhen on 09-Aug-2005 | Like a babyA young couple are on their way to Las Vegas to get married.
Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she had a confession to make. The reason that they had not been intimate was because she was very flat-chested. If he wished to cancel the wedding, it would be okay with her.
The guy thought about it for a while and said he did not mind if she was flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage.
Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also wanted to make a confession. He said that below his waist he was just like a baby, and if the girl wished to cancel tile wedding, it'd be fine by him.
The girl thought about it for a while and said that she did not mind and she also believed there were other things far more important in a marriage than sex. Both were happy that they'd been honest with each other.
They went on to Vegas and got married. On the wedding night the girl took off her clothes and she was as flat as a washboard. Finally, the guy took off his clothes and one look at the guy's naked body made the girl faint and fall to the floor.
After she came to, the guy asked,
'I told you before we got married, why did you still faint?'
The girl said,
'You told me it was just like a baby.'
The guy replied,
'Yes, eight pounds and 21 inches.'
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| Posted by dontrell on 09-Aug-2005 | Once a CowboyAn old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whisky, a young lady sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked him,
'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied,
'Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences, so I guess I am.'
He then asked her what she was. She replied,
'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women.'
A little while later a couple sat down next to the old cowboy and asked him,
'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied,
'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'
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| Posted by Sexy Monster on 09-Aug-2005 | Playing aroundOne day, this guy who had been stranded on a desert island all alone for 10 years sees an unusual speck on the horizon.
'It's certainly not a ship,' he thinks to himself.
As the speck gets closer
and closer, he begins to rule out the possibility of a small boat, then even a raft.
Suddenly emerging from the surf walking towards him comes
this drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She approaches the stunned guy and asks,
'How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?'
'Ten years,' he says.
She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left
sleeve and pulls out a packet of fresh cigarettes. He takes a long drag and says,
'Man oh man. Is that ever good.'
She then asks him,
'How long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?'
Trembling, he replies,
'Ten years.'
She reaches over, unzips the waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig, and says,
'Wow, that's absolutely fantastic.'
Then she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wetsuit, looks at him seductively and asks,
'And how long has it been since you've played around?'
The guy, with tears in his eyes, replies,
'Oh my God! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there!'
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