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| Posted by bugzaboo on 14-Aug-2005 | The Three FleasOne night, a man and woman were getting ready to have sex. At
the same time, there were three fleas in the room looking for
somewhere to hide. One crawled between the mattress, one crawled
up the woman's ass, and the third crawled into her pussy.
The man jumped on the bed and the couple began to have sex.
During intercourse, the woman silently left a fart. When they
were finished, the man came inside her and they went to sleep.
The next morning, the three fleas got together. The one that
slept between the mattress said, "I was sleeping fine until a
big rock landed on me."
The flea that slept up the woman's ass said "Yeah? I was
sleeping fine until a big gust of wind blew me out on the sheet."
The third flea, looking really pissed off, said, "I was sleeping
fine 'till some bald headed sonofabitch came along and SPIT on
me!"
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| Posted by Jeepster_J_Gill on 14-Aug-2005 | Brewster the RoosterFarmer Jones' rooster died, and he went into town to buy a new
one. When he got to the seed and feed store, he was told that
they had sold out of roosters, and that he would have to wait
for the next shipment. Farmer Jones told the salesman that he
had a long way to travel, and that he needed a rooster bad, did
he know where one could be had at this time? The salesman told
him that actually, there was one rooster left in the back of the
store that they had sold 10 times already, but that people had
been bringing him back, and that the store was going to get rid
of him in the morning.
Farmer Jones asked what the problem was, and the salesman told
him that the rooster was a bit over sexed. Farmer Jones thought
about it for a minute, and decided that there were enough hens
around his farm to keep a rooster plenty busy, so asked what the
rooster would cost. The salesman said that he could have him,
that the rooster had caused so much trouble, that they were glad
to be rid of him.
That night, Farmer Jones got home about bedtime, and let the new
rooster out in the farmyard, and went to bed. There arose a din
of noise such as Farmer Jones had never heard before, and he
almost went out to see what was the problem, when he remembered
what the salesman had told him about the rooster being
oversexed, and he decided that the rooster would play himself
out by morning...
The next morning, Farmer Jones awoke to total silence. He looked
over at his wife, and saw her laying there sprawled out on the
bed with her skirt hiked up, a blissful smile on her face. He
next went to the window and looked out over the farmyard, and
saw all the animals layed out on their backs, smiling
blissfully. Concerned, Farmer Jones went out into the yard, and
looked around. As far as the eye could see, there were farm
animals sprawled out with this big smile on their faces, and he
noticed that the bodies led off into the distance toward a hill.
On top of this hill, he could make out the rooster, flat on his
back with buzzards circling over head. The farmer made his way
through the bodies, up to the hill, and stood over the rooster,
and said, "Well old boy, ya done did yerself in."
The rooster cocked an eye, and said in a whisper, "Shhhhh,
they're about to land!"
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():sex jokes (1888): Parrot from the Whore House |
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| Posted by Munem Alidina on 14-Aug-2005 | Parrot from the Whore HouseA woman went into a pet store, saw a parrot, and asked to buy
it. The man at the counter said, "I don't think you want that
one, it used to live in a whore house." The woman replied, "I
don't care I'll take it." She brought the parrot home and the
parrot said, "New house, new master."
The woman's daughter came home and the woman said, "I got us a
parrot." The parrot said, "New house, new master, new whores."
The woman's husband came home and the woman said, "Honey I got
us a parrot." The parrot said, "New house, new master, new
whores, hi George!"
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| Posted by Big A on 14-Aug-2005 | Three Holes on the WallA car broke down on the side of the road and the man, John,
didn't know how to fix it so he walked to a farm he had seen
about a mile back and he asked if he could use the phone. The
man called his insurance company, but they said they couldn't be
there till the next day,so he asked if he could stay there till
his insurance company came the next day. "Sure, but I don't have
a guest room so you'll have to stay in the barn." The man didn't
like the idea of having to stay in the barn, but had no
alternative since it was the only house for miles,and it was
getting dark, so he agreed.
The man took him out to the barn, and showed him where he could
stay. The man was about to leave when John asked, "Hey, by the
way what are those three holes on the wall, their all the same
size and height." "Oh the are just holes, just leave them alone,
don't go near them." After saying that the man left.
Of course its human to do what you are told not to, so the man
went to the hole and looked in, but he couldent see anything.
Since he coulden't see anything he stuck his finger in it, it
was nice, tight, and moist. After that he decided to leave it
alone. He went to sleep, and had this absolutly great sex dream.
He woke up from his dream in the middle of the night and felt he
was near orgasm and needed to fuck something. Then he remembered
the hole and how it felt on his finger. So he went to the hole
and fucked it hard, and it felt so good. He went on and try the
second hole, that one was even better so he tried the last hole
it was so good he never wanted to stop, but after he came like
never before he decided to sleep.
When he woke up the man was standing over him. "Finally decide
to wake up huh....here, have a drink, it's milk, i just got it
this morning." "Thanks, but I just have to know what those three
holes are." And after a little convincing the man told him, "The
first one it my pig, the second one is my cow, and the last one
is the thing that milks the cow, but you should know that since
you milked the cow last night, this morning the bucket was
almost full, that's what you are drinking."
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| Posted by Lisa S. Shn on 14-Aug-2005 | Milking MachineThere was this lucky farmer married to a beautiful woman. And
they had kids, a farm, and lots of cows. After some years the
number of cows became so big that they couldn't milk them by
hand so they bought an electrical milking machine that fills a
bucket with milk in five minutes...
Sometime later his wife takes the kids and goes to visit her
parents. The poor man is so horney he can't wait for his wife so
he starts jerking off every night. One night he thinks to use
the milking machine instead of his hand. So without thinking
anymore he puts his dick inside the machine and turns it on. Oh
god... what a machine. When he is done, all happy, he tries to
take his dick out but it was stuck inside the machine. He tries
and tries but can't take it out. Suddenly he gets an idea; why
not call the vendor of the machine. So he carries the machine on
his back and goes to the phone....
Farmer: Excuse me sir for calling you up at this late time but I
have a big problem. I'm so ashamed of myself but I did it.
Vendor: Did what?!
Farmer: Since my wife has been to her parents for more than a
week I, I put my dick in the milking machine, but now I can't
take my dick out. Its stuck.
Vendor: Oh, boy. I'm sorry but you can't get it out unless the
bucket is full.
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():sex jokes (1888): Bob's First Experience in the Whore House |
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| Posted by Harry Bloggs on 14-Aug-2005 | Bob's First Experience in the Whore HouseBob walked in to a whore house and asked the guy behind the
counter, "I want to fuck a woman." The pimp asked, "Do you have
any experience?" Bob replied, "No." So the pimp said, "Go stick
your dick in that big oak tree outside."
About five minutes later the pimp heard a holler from Bob, but
he thought nothing of it.
The next day Bob returned and said, "I want to fuck a woman."
The pimp asked, "Do you have any experience?" Bob replied, "Yes,
the big oak tree outside." The pimp collected $100 from Bob and
said, "Go down the hallway to the last door on the left-hand
side."
A few minutes went by and the pimp heard a lady scream from the
room that Bob entered. He ran down the hall and kicked open the
door. There he saw Bob sticking a broom handle in the
prostitute's pussy. The pimped asked, "What the hell are you
doing?!" Bob replied, "Checking for bees!"
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