There was this big football player in the...

The big guy couldn't help but notice the enormous size of the little guy's penis. He said to the little guy "I'm not gay or anything but how how in the hell can a guy so little have a dick so big?"

The little guy replied "Well I'm going to let you in on a little secret, I am a leprechaun. I can grant you any wish you want, but there is a catch, you have to let me stick this up your ass."

The big guy thought to himself "Well I have played football and got knocked on my ass, surely I can take the pain of a dick up my ass." He said "OK, my wish is for a million dollars."

The leprechaun said "bend over." and proceeded to have his way with the football player.

When it was over, the big guy exclaimed "I can't believe you got all that up in me."

The little guy said "I can't believe you thought I was a leprechaun!"

When a man and a woman get married they need...

When Lesbians get married, they need a Licker License.

From a 1978 Rolling Stones interview with...

Interviewer: You've had some trouble with drugs in the past, haven't you?

Mick: Not with drugs, with policemen.

also from the same interview:

Interviewer: Why did you call the album 'Some Girls'?

Mick: Because we forgot their fucking names.

and

Interviewer: Do young girls still scream when you perform?

Mick: When I perform, yeah. Not when I sing.

What do you call a man who died from a Viagra...

A dead stiff.

A 12-inch prick is a rule not an exception....

Anal Sex: I can stand the pain, if you can...