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| Posted by Daniel L. Jewell on 09-Aug-2005 | Who wears the pants?A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said," here put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
"I can't wear your pants, she said."
"That's Right!!" , said the husband, "and don't you forget it."
"I'm the man who wears the pants in this family!"
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecap.
He said, "hell, I can't get into your panties!"
She said, "that's right, and that's the way it's going to be until your attitude changes!"
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| Posted by Kailee J. Spencer on 09-Aug-2005 | Birthday presentA father approached his 14 year old son and asks him what he wants most for his birthday.
The son replies, "I want to get laid Dad."
The father says, "You are still a bit young for that." He takes him out to the backyard and shows him a tree with a knot hole in it. "Practice on this and we'll see next year," says the father.
The next year the father asks the same question and gets the same reply. The father tells the son to practice on the knot hole for another year.
On his 16th birthday the son says, "Enough with the knot hole already, I am ready for a woman!"
The father agrees and takes the son into town to the local cathouse. He tells the madam, "One for me and one for my son."
The madam replies "You go up the stairs and turn left, your son goes up the stairs and turns right."
At the top of the stairs the father pauses to wish the son good luck and then goes into the room with the whore.
All of a sudden he hears terrible screaming coming from the room where his son went. He runs over and bursts into the room. There he sees his son shoving a broomstick in and out of the whore while she is screaming at the top of her lungs.
"What the fuck are you doing son?" yells the father.
"Checking for squirrels Dad" replies the son.
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| Posted by Ratty2608 on 09-Aug-2005 | Six girls for freeA guy walks into a brothel and tells the madam he wants six girls for the evening.
The next morning the madam informs the gentleman that there will be no charge. Very happy, he leaves.
A few days later he returns, and again tell the madam that he would like six girls for the evening. In the morning the madam presents him with a bill for $1,000. Confused the man asks, "I don' t understand, on Tuesday it was free."
"That's right," replies the madam, "but on Tuesdays we're on cable."
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| Posted by Clarence Chicken on 09-Aug-2005 | AssaultA girl called the police department and reported that she had been assaulted. The officer who answered the phone, asked, "When did this happen?"
She replied, "Last week."
The police then asked, "Why did you wait until now to report it?"
Well," she said. "I didn't know that I was assaulted until the check bounced."
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| Posted by Danya -Funny Girl on 09-Aug-2005 | Chicken or the Egg?A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off.
The egg mutters, to no-one in particular, "Well, I guess we answered THAT question!"
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| Posted by Da Joker on 09-Aug-2005 | Three wishesAn old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when-all of a sudden-a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.
"Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich. "
*** POOF *** her rocking chair turns to solid gold. "And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess."
*** POOF *** she turns into a beautiful young woman. "Your third wish?" asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them.
"Ooh-can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.
*** POOF *** there before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear: "Bet you're sorry you had me neutered."
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