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| Posted by Deana K. Sheridan on 10-Aug-2005 | Who would Know?The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of hisfront door onto the
porch. Someone called 911.
When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regainconsciousness and asked if
he knew what caused him to faint.
"It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys
to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn
mower!"
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| Posted by Kelli M. Buckley on 10-Aug-2005 | The FianceAfter Leslie brought home her fiance to meet her parents, her father invited
the young man into his study to find out more about him.
"What are your plans?" he asked Joseph.
"I'm a scholar of the Torah," Joseph replied.
"Well, that's admirable," Leslie's father replied. "But what will you do to
provide a nice house for my daughter?"
"I will study, and God will surely provide for us," Joseph explained.
"And how will you buy her a nice engagement ring?"
"I will study hard, and God will provide for us."
"And children?" asked the father. "How will you support children?"
"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replied the fianc?©.
The conversation continued in much the same fashion. After Joseph and Leslie
had left, her mother asked her father what he found out.
The father answered, "Well, he has no job and no plans, but the good news is
that he thinks I'm God."
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| Posted by Ben T. Halbig on 10-Aug-2005 | HeavenLittle Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the
teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first.
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven
first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God. The teacher
praises the little girl, as a little boy raised his hand. The little boy says,
"I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love." "Very
good," said the teacher.
The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no", she thought,
"I'm not gonna like this. Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think
goes to heaven first?" Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet."
The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first. He replied,
"Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet
up in the air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!'"
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():love jokes (2491): True story from a friend of a friend... |
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| Posted by Faz on 10-Aug-2005 | True story from a friend of a friend...My Aunt died this past January. Citi Bank billed her for February and March
for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees
and interest on the monthly charge...the balance had been $0.00... now was
somewhere around $60.00) I placed the following phone call to CitiBank:
Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January???.
CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still
apply."
Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections..."
CitiBank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."
Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
CitiBank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to
the credit bureau...maybe both!"
Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
Citibank:"...excuse me ....?"
Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you.... the part about her being
dead?"
CitiBank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!"
(Supervisor gets on the phone)
Me: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January???.
CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still
apply."
Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
CitiBank: ".....(stammer)"
CitiBank: "Are you her lawyer?"
Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given... )
CitiBank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Me: "Sure???. ( Fax number is given )
( After they get the fax. )
CitiBank: "Our system just isn't setup for death..."
Me: "Oh..."
CitiBank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."
Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing
her...I suppose...don't really think she will care...."
CitiBank: "Well...the late fees and charges do still apply."
Me: "'Would you like her new billing address?"
CitiBank: "That might help."
Me: " ( Odessa Memorial Cemetery #### Hwy 129 and plot number given. )
CitiBank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?!!"
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():love jokes (2491): Last year, when the power mower was broken and wou |
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| Posted by Wai-San Kwan on 10-Aug-2005 | Last year, when the power mower was broken and wouI kept hinting to my husband that he ought to get it fixed, but somehow the
message never sunk in.
Finally I thought of a clever way to make the point. When my husband arrived
home that day, he found me seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a
tiny pair of sewing scissors. He watched silently for a short time, and then
went into the house. He was gone only a few moments, and when he came out again
he handed me a toothbrush.
"When you finish cutting the grass," he said, "you might as well sweep the
sidewalks???.
He will be just fine when they take the casts off.
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| Posted by Eric Nili on 10-Aug-2005 | THE BLONDE'S SISTERA blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned
about all his employees' well being, asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
To which the blonde replies.....??? Early this morning I got a phone call saying
that my mother had passed away."
The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, explains to the young girl. "Why
don't you go home for the day.....we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off
to relax and rest."
The blonde very calmly states......"No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep
my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual, saying "If you need
anything, just let me know."
Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks
out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying!! He rushes out to
her, asking, "Are you gonna be ok??"
"No," exclaims the blonde. "I just got a call from my sister. She told me that
HER mom died too!!"
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