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| Posted by Nikki on 09-Aug-2005 | Who's horny?Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do.
Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"
His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes in the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the ass and say, "WHO'S HORNY".....?!!!"
And she acts like she's sound asleep.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
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| Posted by Kamaka Pili on 09-Aug-2005 | Golf romanceA couple has a whirlwind, 30 day romance and even though they don't know too much about each other, they decide to get married.
After a couple weeks, the husband says, "Honey, I have something I have to tell you. I'm a golf fanatic and I must play every day."
"I also need to tell you something," she replies. "I'm a hooker, and I need to do it every day."
"That's OK," he said, "we'll just play dog leg lefts."
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| Posted by Pyro Pyro on 09-Aug-2005 | Play youA violinist says to his wife, "Oh, baby, I can play you just like my violin."
His wife replies, "I'd rather have you play me like a harmonica!"
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| Posted by Scooby on 09-Aug-2005 | CelibacyMany aspects of human nature are very puzzling.
Take celibacy.
This can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by environmental factors.
While attending a marriage encounter weekend, Trevor and Kylie listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the men, "Can you each name and describe your wife's favourite flower?"
Trevor leaned over, touched Kylie's arm gently and whispered, "It's the white, self-raising brand, isn't it?"
Thus began Trevor's life of celibacy.
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| Posted by Marlene R. Ehlers on 09-Aug-2005 | Sick of the wife!A MAN goes to the doctors and says he is fed up with his wife because she keeps eating and putting on weight.
The doctor tells him to go home and ask his wife to get some exercise and to run three miles every morning and three miles every evening.
He said: "By the end of the week she'll be 42 miles away."
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| Posted by Ricky A. Seidle on 09-Aug-2005 | Mixed marriageThe ultimate in a mixed marriage would be a vegetarian marrying a cannibal.
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