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():sex jokes (1888): Why are you going to court? |
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| Posted by Kaveh C. Mohebbi on 10-Aug-2005 | Why are you going to court?When I went to City Hall to renew my dog license, I told the clerk I wanted a
license for Sex. He said," I'd like one too!??? Then I said,??? But this is a dog."
He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said,??? You don't understand.
I've had Sex since I was 9 years old." He winked at me and said," You must have
been quite a kid." When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took my dog
with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and
another room for Sex. He said,??? As long as you pay your bill, we don't care what
you do." I said,??? Look, you don't understand, Sex keeps me up at night." The
clerk said, "Funny, I have the same problem." Then I wanted to enter Sex into a
competition. Just before the judges came around, the dog ran away. Another dog
owner came over and asked me what was wrong. I said,"Sex ran away." He said,???
What?" I told him that I wanted to have sex in the contest. He said, "You'll
clean up!" "No you don't understand, I wanted to have Sex on the T.V, I am
taping it at home." He said, "You know, they do have that stuff on cable these
days." Then my wife and I decided to separate. So we went to court to fight for
custody of the dog. I said to the judge, "Your honor, I have had Sex since
before we were married." The judge replied," This is no confessional. Please
stick to the facts." Then I told him, after I was married, Sex kind of left me.
The judge said, "Yeah, me too". Well then last night, Sex got out and ran away
again. So I went looking for him. I just about found him in an alley, when a
police car pulled up. The officer asked me what I was doing. I said, "Looking
for Sex." My case comes up a week from tomorrow.
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| Posted by Katya V. Andrushchenko on 10-Aug-2005 | We Really Can't Win!A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium
when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid,"
she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his
arms.
While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her.
As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you
screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she
was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she
screamed in panic.
"Slut!" he said, and dropped her.
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| Posted by Mandy B on 10-Aug-2005 | Vengeance Is Mine!One day a construction worker left the job a little early, and when he got
home he found his wife in bed with another man. Purple with rage, he hauled the
man down the stairs and into the garage where he proceeded to secure his dick in
a vice.
Utterly terrified, the man screamed, "Stop, stop! You??™re not going to cut it
off, are you? ARE YOU?"
"Nope," replied the construction worker, "You are...I'm going to set the
garage on fire."
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():sex jokes (1888): An Excellent Costume Party Idea |
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| Posted by Tristan A. Khan on 10-Aug-2005 | An Excellent Costume Party IdeaThere was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy
costume party... Then he had a bright idea.
When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt
and no socks on.
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host.
"A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in my pants!"
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():sex jokes (1888): A Distinct Lack Of Imagination |
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| Posted by Janus G on 10-Aug-2005 | A Distinct Lack Of ImaginationThere was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been traveling
so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the
desert so the man turned to his camel.
He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran
away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride
again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to
his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and
goes on it again.
Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a
road. There was a broken down car with three big cheated beautiful blondes
sitting in it.
He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help.
The hottest girl said,"If you fix our car we will do anything you want."
The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash.
When he finished are three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Mr."
After thinking for a short while he replied,??? Could you hold my camel?"
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():sex jokes (1888): An Excellent Costume Party Idea |
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| Posted by gumby85 on 10-Aug-2005 | An Excellent Costume Party IdeaIt was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail
through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole
family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift
envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at
the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in
a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door,
and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most
passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant
breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed
orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming
coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under
the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said,
"but what the dollar is for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last
day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give
you."
He said, "f*** him, and give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
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