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():gender jokes (1878): Why do so many young Mexican girls get pregnant... |
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| Posted by FirePrincess on 13-Aug-2005 | Why do so many young Mexican girls get pregnant...Why do so many young Mexican girls get pregnant so early in their life?
Because their teachers told them to go home and do their essays.
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| Posted by Michelle K. Gordon on 13-Aug-2005 | Make your own punchline...Whats the difference between a tribe of Pygmies and an all-girls track team?
The Pygmies are cunning runts.
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| Posted by Eric Skinner on 13-Aug-2005 | 12 inchesThe other day my wife said to me:
"Honey, give me 12 inches and make it hurt,"
so I fucked her twice and hit her in the back of the head with a brick.
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| Posted by YellowFish911 on 13-Aug-2005 | PMS?Why do they call PMS PMS.....Mad Cow disease was already taken
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| Posted by Stefanie D. Fischer on 13-Aug-2005 | Proving a Point
A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a five-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explain to them how it works. "We have five floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh, and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they kept going.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get excited and are about to go in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
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| Posted by John Walsh on 13-Aug-2005 | Thesis on Male Urination
COPIED FROM A NEWSGROUP POSTING - (the author is responding to a woman who accidentally walked into the men's restroom):
Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the time. It's rare us guys ever hit what were aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around; just so I'll make sure I hit something.
You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling 'ya those little buggers can't be trusted.
After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no longer allowed to pee like a man - standing up. I am required to sit down and pee. She has convinced me that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise if she had gone to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on a pee-soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she was going to kill me in my sleep.
Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, but because you and I have become such good friends and you think I'm a classy guy, I might as well be candid with you because it's a real problem, and you ladies need to be understanding. It's the dreaded "morning wood". Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter how hard you try, you can't get that thing to bend, and if it won't bend you can't aim, well hell, if you can't aim you have no choice but to piss all over the wall paper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women insist on putting on the toilet. And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seatcovers, the friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to control our less-than-perfect aim.
Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know the guys! in here will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie. So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it's just not safe. I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife. I told her...look, it won't bend. She said, "so sit down like I told you to do all the rest of the time." OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with "morning wood". Well it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the wall across the room.
Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee, the pee shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on to that damn matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet. I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning urinary dilemma is to assume the flying Superman position laying over the toilet seat. This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split time precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl during the first morning pee. So you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to blame. We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyond our control.
It's not our fault, it's just Mother Nature. Now, if it was Father Nature, there wouldn't have been a problem!!!
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