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():Body & Health (530): Why e-mail is like a male reproductive organ: |
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| Posted by Tina B on 14-Aug-2005 | Why e-mail is like a male reproductive organ:11. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.
10. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.
9. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not
worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.
8. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it; a phenomenon
psychologists call "E-Mail Envy".
7. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work
done.
6. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit stuff vital to
the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only
thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it mostly for
fun.
5. If you don't take proper precautions, it can spread viruses.
4. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult
to think coherently.
3. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size
and influence warrant.
2. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into alot of
trouble.
And the number one reason why E-Mail is like a male reproductive organ:
IF YOU PLAY WITH IT TOO MUCH, YOU GO BLIND.
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| Posted by Bob Nelson on 14-Aug-2005 | Something Is Wrong!A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk,
the receptionist asked "Yes sir, may we help you?"
"There's something wrong with my dick." He replied.
The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come into a
crowded office and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you." He said.
"We do not use language like that here." She said. "Please go outside and
come back in and say that there's something wrong with your ear or
whatever."
The man shrugged his shoulders, walked out, waited several minutes and
re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear." He stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly. "And what is wrong with your ear,
sir?"
"I can't piss out of it." The man replied.
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| Posted by Emmorality on 14-Aug-2005 | The Third RoseSeems there was this woman who was troubled with overly big pussy lips. It
got to the point where they caused her great discomfort, even to walk.
Finally she decided to see her doctor about her situation. She described
her problem to him and asked if there was any kind of surgery he could
perform to make her back to normal. After assurring her that he could fix
the problem, she made him promise that this woould never get out and
no-one would know about it. "Don't worry," he said, "this is all
confidential."
She had the surgery and when she awoke in her hospital room, she noticed
three beautiful red roses on her nightstand. Just then the doctor came in
the room to see how she was feeling. He told her that everything went well
and she should be able to go home the next day. "Thanks doc," she said, "I
feel better already. By the way, do you know who the roses are from?"
"Well," he said, "One is from me. That is something I do for all my
patients. The other one is from my wife." "I thought you were going to
keep this confidential." she said. "That's ok," the doctor told her, "I
talk to my wife about all my surgeries and she sends a rose to cheer up
the patient." "Well, I guess that's ok too, but what about the third rose,
who is that one from?" "Oh," he said, "that's from a guy on the fourth
floor burn unit, that's his way of thanking you for his new ears."
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| Posted by Tina B on 14-Aug-2005 | Wrong photoA man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother
asking him to send her a current picture. Too embarrassed to let her know
that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts one in half and sends her the
top part. Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to
his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally
sends the bottom half. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent
the wrong part, but then remembrs how bad his grandmother's eyesight is
and hopes she won't notice. A few weeks later he receives a letter from
his grandmother. It says, "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair
style.... It makes your nose look long."
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| Posted by Chris Bayless on 14-Aug-2005 | Angry Man, Happy WomanA woman went to a psychiatrist because she was having severe
problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many
questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her
problems. Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your husband's
face while you are having sex?"
"Well, yes, I did once."
"And how did he look?"
"Very angry."
At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting
somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must
look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only
seen your husband's face once during sex; that seems somewhat
unusual. How did it occur that you saw his face that one time?"
"He was looking through the window at us."
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| Posted by funky chick on 14-Aug-2005 | 20 Ways to Say "Your Fly Is Open"20. The cucumber has left the salad.
19. I can see the gun of Navarone.
18. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging
out.
17. You've got Windows in your laptop.
16. Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.
15. Your soldier ain't so unknown now.
14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bell.
13. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...
12. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked
position.
11. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
10. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
9. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck,
Sir!
7. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
6. Dr. Kimble has escaped!
5. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."
4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...
3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HIS FLY IS UNZIPPED...
1. I thought you were crazy; now I see your nuts.
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