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| Posted by Rachel sutton on 10-Aug-2005 | Why parents divorceOne day a little boy asked his mom why she got divorced.
She said "I'll tell you when you get older.
That day when the kid went to school he asked his teacher why his mom and dad
got divorced. She said, "Why don't you check your mommy's driver's license. So
that night the boy looked at his mom's license and in the morning he told his
mom "I know why you and daddy got divorced, you got an F
in sex."
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():sex jokes (1888): Little Johnny goes to church |
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| Posted by Erhan Eryurt on 10-Aug-2005 | Little Johnny goes to churchMonday morning little Johnny came to school with a black eye.
His friends ask him what happened. He tells them, "I was in church yesterday,
when a big fat lady sat in front of me.
When we got up to sing, I noticed she had huge wedgies. I couldn??™t stand it
anymore, so I pulled it out, and she decked me".
The following Monday, little Johnny came to school with 2 black eyes. His
friends once again asked what happened. He told them,"I was in church yesterday,
when the same fat lady came and sat in front of me. When we got up to sing, she
once again had the huge
wedgies. The guy next to me pulled it out, but I knew she didn??™t like it out,
so I pushed it back in..."
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| Posted by J W on 10-Aug-2005 | Redneck CondomsA redneck goes to a pharmacist and says: "I got a hot date tonight, an' I need
me some perfection. How much is a pack a' deem rubbers going to cost me?"
The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."
To which the redneck replies: "TACKS! Gad a' mighty, don't they stay on by
themselves."
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| Posted by Lance J. Gerner on 10-Aug-2005 | DonatingA man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation center.
Man: "What are you doing here today?"
Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for
it."
Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay
me $25."
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before
going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet
again in the same line.
Man: "Hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
Woman: (nodding her head with mouth closed) "Unh unh."
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():sex jokes (1888): What a Scotsman Wears Under His Kilt |
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| Posted by nutmegg on 10-Aug-2005 | What a Scotsman Wears Under His KiltA kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large
amount of whisky at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to nap against
a tree.
As he slept, two female tourists heard his loud snoring. When they found him,
one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."
She boldly walked over to the sleeper, raised his kilt, and saw that he wore
nothing at all. Her friend said, "Well, the mystery is solved! Let's thank him
for sharing!"
She took off her pretty blue hair ribbon and gently tied it around the
Scotsman's endowment. A while later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of
nature. He raised his kilt and was bewildered at the sight of the neatly tied
blue ribbon. He stared for a minute, then said, "I don't know where y'been
ladies... but it's nice at see you won firers praise!"
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| Posted by Dude Man on 10-Aug-2005 | All-night DutyA police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was
relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 AM.
Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom
and started to climb into bed. She sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest,
would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some
aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."
"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the room, he got
dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist,
"aren't you Officer Fenwick of the 8th District?"
"Yes, I am," said the officer.
"Well, then, what in the world are you doing in the Fire Chief's uniform?"
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