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| Posted by a b. c on 09-Aug-2005 | Why women don't fartDid you know why single women don't fart?
Because they don't have assholes until they get married.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
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| Posted by Nicole disclosed information on 09-Aug-2005 | HungWhen the airline captain announced they were flying over Salt Lake City, Utah, a woman told the man sitting beside her, "I understand this is the home of the Mormon religion where men believe it's OK to have more than one wife."
"That's true," he replied, "As a matter of fact I happen to be a Mormon myself and have nine wives."
"How disgusting," she said," You should be ashamed of yourself. Such practices should be against the law and you ought to be hung."
With a slight grin, he just said, "Yes, ma'am, I am."
Submitted by Tantilazing
Edited by Yisman
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| Posted by Lioness Mage on 09-Aug-2005 | He could flyOne night, an 87 year old woman came home from bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman.
She became violent and pushed her husband off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, the fall killed him instantly.
Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say.
"Your honor," she began, "I figured that at 92, if he could screw, then he could definately fly!"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Rachael n. Everson on 09-Aug-2005 | Season ticketsA woman is watching the news.
During a commercial she turns to her husband, who is busy with a crossword puzzle.
???Did you hear that???? she asks.
???A man in Los Angeles swapped his wife for Lakers??™ season tickets. Would you do a thing like that????
???Well no,??? her husband replies. ???The season??™s half over.???
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
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| Posted by Mike P. Whoopi on 09-Aug-2005 | Play throughTwo strangers are having a painfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them manage to hit into every bunker, water hazard and piece of rough on the course, and never wave the men through.
After two hours, one man says, ???I??™m asking those girls to let us play through.??? He walks out to the fairway, gets halfway to the ladies, stops, turns around and comes back.
???I can??™t do it,??? he says. ???One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress! You go.???
So the second man walks toward the ladies, gets halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stops, turns around and walks back.
Smiling sheepishly he says, ???Small world.???
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
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| Posted by bob joe on 09-Aug-2005 | Quick thinkingA wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy.
The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect.
At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket she was handing him to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed.
He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach.
As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach.
He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?" He went back to gathering the snails.
All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him.
They got to talking, and she invited him back to her place.
They were at her apartment a ways down the beach, and they started messing around.
It got so hot and heavy, that he was exhausted afterwards and passed out there.
At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no, my wife's dinner party!"
He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door.
He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails.
There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time.
He looked at the snails on the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there!"
Submitted by Glaci
EDited by Curtis
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