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| Posted by Danny Lover on 12-Aug-2005 | Wife and MistressA doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.
The lawyer says, "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems.
The doctor says, "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health.
The mathematician says, "You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife, you can do some mathematics.
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| Posted by Jim Davis on 12-Aug-2005 | Don't Say to Pregnant WifeThings Not To Say To Your Pregnant Wife After Her Ultrasound
1) Thirsty?
2) Where did the extra set of arms come from?
3) Why does it look so much like a lizard?
4) So, what are the characteristics of hermaphroditism?
5) Could we do that again? The nurse had me distracted.
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| Posted by Matt & Biscuit on 12-Aug-2005 | Don't Do To Wife In LaborThings Not To Do While You Are With Your Wife In Labor In The Delivery Room
1) Clip your toenails.
2) Read a Playboy magazine.
3) Tell the doctor that you want the afterbirth to have it bronzed.
4) Flirt with the nurse.
5) Watch a football game on your portable television.
6) Tell her how pretty and sexy she looks right now.
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| Posted by Cujo on 12-Aug-2005 | Advice1) Never eat at a place called Mom's
2) Never play cards with a man named 'Doc'
3) Never get in bed with a girl that has more problems than you have.
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| Posted by erin zilka on 12-Aug-2005 | Marriage Quotes 1In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes. - Elizabeth Ashley
Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus
No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. - Honore de Balzac
Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting. - Ray Bandy
Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. - Baskins
I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting. - Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hall of Fame Inductions
Love: a temporary insanity often curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce
The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. - Ambrose Bierce
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David Bissonette
Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't. - Borge
In the blithe days of honeymoon, With Kate's allurements smitten, I lov'd her late, I lov'd her soon, And call'd her dearest kitten.
But now my kitten's grown a cat, And cross like other wives. O! By my soul my honest Mat, I fear she has nine lives. - James Boswell "Life of Johnson"
A sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle. - Boudelaire
For a male and female to live continuously together is...biologically speaking, an extremely unnatural condition. - Robert Briffault
My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her. - Lenny Bruce
Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya." This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do..." - Lenny Bruce
Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back. - Al Bundy
Nothing says lovin' like marrying your cousin! - Al Bundy
Once a boy becomes a man, he's a man all his life, but a woman is only sexy until she becomes your wife. - Al Bundy
I hate work. That's why I got married. - Peg Bundy
I just want what every married woman wants, someone besides her husband to sleep with. - Peg Bundy
The only thing that holds a marriage together is the husband bein' big enough to keep his mouth shut, to step back and see where his wife is wrong. - Archie Bunker
In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved. - Butler
If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry. - Chekhov
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. - G. K. Chesterton
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie
The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - S. T. Coleridge
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| Posted by Victor on 12-Aug-2005 | Imagine this.A therapist told a woman to use some imagination while making love with her husband to spice things up.
She replied, "You mean imagine that it's good?!"
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