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| Posted by Les B. Friends on 09-Aug-2005 | Wife and Washing MacQ. Whats the difference between your wife and your washing machine?
A. You don't have to hug your washing machine for twenty minutes after you dump your load in it.
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| Posted by Jono McSqueebs on 09-Aug-2005 | Nuns and Cucumbers..Three nuns went to a cucumber stand in an open market one day. They asked how much the cucumbers were. The merchant said that they were four for a dollar. The nuns said agreed to purchase four.
The puzzled merchant asked why they needed four cucumbers when there were only three of them.
A nun answered back, "Well, we could always eat one."
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| Posted by Mike smith on 09-Aug-2005 | Wild NymphoA guy sees his buddy in a bar and says, "You're not going to believe this, but I've got a wild nymphomaniac in my car out in the parking lot. She's wearing me out! Can you go out to the car and keep her busy? The dome light is off, so she won't know you're not me!" His friend agrees and goes out to his car.
They climb into the back seat and start going at it. A few minutes later,
a cop sees them and starts banging on the window, shining his flashlight inside.
"What the hell do you two think you're doing?"
The guy says, "Oh, there's nothing wrong, she's my wife."
The cop says, "Oh, sorry, I didn't know."
The guy says "Neither did I until you shined that light in here."
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| Posted by Auzzie Frog on 09-Aug-2005 | What Some of THIS?A frustrated housewife decided her sex life needed spicing up after 20 years of marriage. After her husband went to work she slipped out and went into a lingerie shop and picked up a pair of crotchless knickers. She went home, tarted herself up and donned the new garment and selected a short skirt to go with it. She greeted her husband when he came home from work and sat across from him after she prepares him a drink. She slowly spread her legs, and in a husky voice say's "Honey, would you like some of this?"
The husband looks between his ageing wife's legs and lets out his breath, looking up at his doting wife replies, "HELL, NO! Look what its done to your underwear."
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| Posted by Jonathan D. Oneand on 09-Aug-2005 | Wedding a VirginA man longs to wed a maiden with her virtue intact. He searches for one but resigns himself to the fact that every female over the age of 10 in his town has been at it.
Finally he decides to take matters in hand and adopts a baby girl from the orphanage. He raises her until she is walking and talking and then sends her away to a monastery for safekeeping until marrying age. After many years she finally reaches maturity and he retrieves her from the monastery and marries her.
After the wedding they make their way back to his house and into the bedroom where they both prepare themselves for the consummation. They lie down together in his bed and he reaches over for a jar of petroleum jelly.
"Why the jelly," she asks him?
"So I do not hurt your most delicate parts during the act of lovemaking," he replies.
"Well why don't you just spit on your cock like the monks did?!"
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| Posted by miss u.s.a on 09-Aug-2005 | Jap CarsThis lady is shopping in a supermarket when she notices this handsome muscular boy doing the bagging at one of the checkouts.
Making sure she goes through his line she leans over and asks if he'll carry her groceries out to which he responds, "Sure lady".
They no sooner get out of the store and she again leans over and whispers, "You know, I have an Itchy Pussy", to which he responds, "You'll have to point it out to me lady, all those Japanese cars look alike!!"
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