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| Posted by Luna on 09-Aug-2005 | Wife or Country?The CIA is hiring and is considering three men to be hired. They bring them in to speak with the interviewer separately.
The first man comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him:
"Do you love your wife?"
"Yes I do, sir."
"Do you love your country?"
"Yes I do, sir."
"What do you love more, your wife or your country?"
"My country, sir."
"Okay. We brought in your wife. Take this gun and go into the next room and kill her."
The man says to the interviewer, "I can't do that. I guess that disqualifies me doesn't it."
The interviewer tells him yes but that the gun is filled with blanks. The agency would never ask you to do a thing like that. He is disappointed but hands the gun back, gets up and politely leaves.
The second guy comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him the same questions, and the responses are the same.
The interviewer gives him the gun, and tells him to go kill his wife.
The guy goes into the room. All is quiet for about five minutes. He comes back, puts the gun down and says "I can't do it. Am I disqualified?"
The interviewer tells him yes. The man leaves quietly.
The third guy comes in, the same thing happens. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife.
The guy goes into the room, and BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! This is followed by a bunch of crashing sounds that end after a few minutes.
The guy comes out of the room with his tie loosened, and puts the gun on the table.
The interviewer looks at him and asks "What happened?!?!"
"The gun you gave me was filled with blanks so I had to strangle her!"
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| Posted by Dan Sabo on 09-Aug-2005 | Bowl of butterA husband suspects his wife is having an affair.
He needs to go on a business trip for several days, so he decides to set a trap for her.
He puts a bowl of milk under the bed. From the bed springs, he suspends a spoon.
He has it calibrated so that her weight on the bed will not drop the spoon into the milk. But, if there's any more weight than that, the spoon will drop into the milk and he will detect it upon his return home.
He comes home several days later. The first thing he does is reach under the bed and retrieve the bowl.
The bowl is full of butter.
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| Posted by Panny Heron on 09-Aug-2005 | Super BowlA guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company.
Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium - he's closer to the Goodyear blimp than the field.
About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices an empty seat 10 rows off the field, right on the 50 yard line.
He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat.
As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man says no.
Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the SuperBowl and not use it?"
The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been together at since we got married in 1967."
"Well, that's really sad," says Bob, "but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or close friend?"
"No," the man replies, "they're all at the funeral."
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| Posted by XiA0bAbY on 09-Aug-2005 | Hi DaveDave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym.
His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave, how ya doin?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser".
"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."
A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi Davey," she says, "Want your usual table dance?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him. The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."
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| Posted by Nathan Burns on 09-Aug-2005 | RaidYou just can???‚¬?„?t win.
I???‚¬?„?ll bet if I died and came back as a fly, my wife would come back as a can of Raid!
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| Posted by Valley Canuck on 09-Aug-2005 | Twins Joe & JohnTwin brothers were named Joe and John Jones. The single brother was the proud owner of a dilapidated boat. It happened that John's wife died the same day that Joe's boat sank.
A few days later a kindly old lady met Joe on the street and mistaking him for John, said "Oh Mr.Jones, I am sorry to hear about your great loss. You must feel terrible."
Then Joe spoke up saying "well, I'm not the least bit sorry, she was a rotten old thing from the beginning.
Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelt like a dead fish and even the first time I got into her she made water faster than anything I had ever seen.
She has a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front. The hole got bigger every time I used her and she leaked like anything.
But this is what finished her. Four guys from the other side of town looking for a good time, asked if I would rent her to them.
I warned them that she wasn't so hot, but they said they would take a crack at her anyway. The result was the crazy fools all tried to to get into her at one time and it was to much for her. She cracked down the middle."
The old lady dropped to the ground in a dead faint.
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