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| Posted by Betsy on 10-Aug-2005 | WifeWife: "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten
dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars."
Husband: "How about the ones like mine?"
Wife: "Those they gave away free as novelty items."
Husband: "I had a dream too...I dreamt they were auctioning off vaginas. The
pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two
thousand."
Wife: "And how much for the ones like mine?" Husband: "That's where they held
the auction."
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| Posted by Piper_85 on 10-Aug-2005 | THERE WERE THREE MENTHERE WERE THREE MEN WHO WANTED TO HAVE A DRINK IN A PUB SO THEY WENT AND AS
SOON AS THEY GOT THERE IT DIDNT HAVE A NAME SO THE FIRST ONE GOES LETS CALL IT
THE QUEENS NOSE AND THE SECOND ONE SAID NO LETS CALL IT THE QUEENS ARMS AND THE
THIRD ONE SAID NO LETS CALL IT THE QUEENS LEGS SO THEY SAID YEA THEN A POLICE
MAN COME ALONG AND SAID EXUSE ME WHAT ARE YOU DOING AND THEY REPLYED WE ARE JUST
WAITING FOR THE QUEENS LEGS TO OPEN UP TO GET A DRINK.
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():sex jokes (1888): Mr. Perkins, the anatomy instructor |
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| Posted by snickers13107 on 10-Aug-2005 | Mr. Perkins, the anatomy instructorMr. Perkins, the anatomy instructor at a posh suburban girl??™s college, said
during class, "Miss Smyth, would you please name the organ of the human body,
which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size,
and define the conditions."
Miss Smyth gasped, and then said coldly, "Mr. Perkins, I don't think that is a
proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this." With
that, she sat down red faced.
Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Summers and asked the same question.
Miss Summers, with composure, replied. "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."
"Correct," said Mr., Perkins. "And now, Miss Smyth, I have three things to say
to you.
One, you have not studied your lesson.
Two, you have a dirt mind...and
Three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."
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():sex jokes (1888): One day a boy decides to get a Harley |
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| Posted by Kenan A on 10-Aug-2005 | One day a boy decides to get a HarleyOne day a boy decides to get a harley. he didn't want the chrome to get rusted
so he bought some vast line. he fell in love with a woman and she invited him
for dinner at her parent??™s house. so he picked her up and before they went in
she told him that there is a family tradition. the first one to speak after
dinner has to do the dishes. so after dinner everyone sits in silence. the boy
had to do something so he reached over and kissed the woman. that didn't work so
he threw her on the table and had passionate sex. since he saw that didn't work,
he took her mother threw her on the table and had more passionate, wilder sex.
he saw that wasn't working. he heard thunder in the distance and thought about
the chrome. so he pulled out the vaseline. the woman's father said, "alright,
damn it. i'll do the f****** dishes!"
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():sex jokes (1888): This was in the Washington Post |
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| Posted by William A. Jones on 10-Aug-2005 | This was in the Washington PostThis was in the Washington Post ... the title of the article was "Best Come
Back Line Ever." In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22-year-old
white male resident of Dracula, GA, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday.
Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency,
and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday. The suspect
explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know,
a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for
miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out
a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and
proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need". "Guess I was just really into it, you
know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence
apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was
unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an
unusual situation that's for sure," said Officer Taylor. "I walked up to
(Lawrence) and he's... just working away at this bumpkin." Taylor went on to
describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said,
'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He froze
and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in
the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?'
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| Posted by coolkaty on 10-Aug-2005 | Michael the DragonMichael the Dragon Master was an official in King Arthur's court. He had a
long standing obsession - to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts.
But he knew the penalty for this would be death. One day he revealed his secret
desire to his colleague, Horatio, who was the King's chief physician.
Horatio said, "I can arrange it, but I will need 1,000 gold coins to pay
bribes".
Michael the Dragon Master readily agreed.
The next day Horatio made up a batch of itching lotion. He then poured a
little of it into the Queens brassiere while she was taking a bath. Soon after
she dressed, the itching commenced and quickly grew in intensity.
When called to the royal chambers, Horatio told the King that only special
saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure his type of itch. He further
explained that test had shown such saliva was only to be found in Michael the
Dragon Master's mouth.
King Arthur summoned Michael the Dragon Master and issued the Imperial
command. Michael the Dragon Master slipped the antidote to the itching lotion,
which Horatio had given him, into his mouth. For the next four hours he worked
passionately on the Queen's magnificent breasts.
Satisfied, he returned to his chamber and found Horatio demanding payment.
However, with his obsession now satisfied, he refused to pay Horatio anything
and shooed him away, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the
King.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching lotion into
King Arthur's loincloth. Michael the Dragon Master was again summoned by the
King...
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