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| Posted by WilloLuvsSocks on 09-Aug-2005 | Wifes radarA man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" she asks.
"Because everytime I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis & Calamjo
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| Posted by Sarah Michael on 09-Aug-2005 | Husbands performanceThree women were sitting around talking about their husband's performance as lovers.
The first woman says, ''My husband works as a marriage counselor. He always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that.''
The second woman says, ''My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kinda like that.''
The third woman just shakes her head and says, ''My husband works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it.''
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Stephen G. O'Connor on 09-Aug-2005 | Just like DadThe bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!"
Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Gledson Bernardelli Pereira on 09-Aug-2005 | Opps!A man's walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty bucks," she says.
He'd never been with a woman like this before, but he decides what the heck it's only twenty bucks.
They're getting friendly for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them, it's a police officer.
"What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.
"I'm making love to my wife," the man answers indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know."
"Well," said the man, "neither did I until you shined that light in her face."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by calicutieangel on 09-Aug-2005 | Powerful liquidA preacher was walking along a street when he noticed a small boy sitting on the curb.
The boy had a bottle of liquid and seemed fascinated with it.
The preacher was curious as to what was in the bottle, so he asked the boy what was in the bottle.
The little boy looked up to the preacher and says, "Preacher, what I have here is the most powerful liquid in the world. This is a bottle of turpentine!"
The preacher smiled and shook his head and said "No, no my child, you are wrong. The most powerful liquid in the world is Holy water, for if you would rub a little Holy water on a pregnant woman's belly, she will pass a baby boy!"
The little boy just grinned and replied, "Damn preacher, that aint nothing. If you was to rub a little of this turpentine on a cat's ass, it will PASS a motorcycle."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Dan Roberts on 09-Aug-2005 | UnfaithfulAn old Jewish couple was sitting around one evening and he says to his wife, "Sarah, we are about to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary, so tell me, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
She hesitated a while and said, "Yes, 3 times."
"Three times!? how did it happen?" he asks.
"Well, do you remember right after we were married and we were broke and the bank was going to foreclose on our little house?"
"Yes, that was really a terrible time."
"Okay, well do you remember when I went to see the banker and the next day he extended our loan?
"It is hard to believe," he said, "but I guess it really was for us and I can forgive you."
She continued, "And do you remember years later when you almost died from the heart problem because we couldn't afford the operation?"
"Of course I remember."
"Well, then you also remember that right after I went to see the doctor he did your operation at no cost?"
"Yes," he said, "that shocks me too but I understand you did it because of your love for me and I forgive you.
But tell me, what was the third time?"
She responded, "Do you remember when you ran for Temple president... and needed 23 more votes?"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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