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| Posted by maddog on 09-Aug-2005 | Wild sex dreamA distraught man goes to see a psychologist.
"How may I help you?" the doctor asks.
Tha man replies, "Doc, every night, I have the same dream. I??™m lying in bed and a dozen women walk in and try to rip my clothes off and have wild sex with me."
"And then what do you do?" the shrink asks.
"I push them away," the man says.
"Then what do you want me to do?" the shrink asks.
"Break my arms!" he pleaded.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
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| Posted by Marleika on 09-Aug-2005 | Tennis lessonA lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is using the wrong grip.
After several failed attempts to correct her, he finally says, "OK, just grip it like you do your husband's member."
After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the line.
The instructor says, "Wow that's great. Now just try taking the racket out of your mouth."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
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| Posted by Nicholas Temos on 09-Aug-2005 | Wide stanceA woman golfer suffers a nasty bee sting and leaves the course to go see her doctor about it.
"What happened?" asked the doctor.
"I got stung between the first and second hole," replied the lady golfer.
The doctor replied, "You must have an awfully wide stance!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
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| Posted by Logan Doughtie on 09-Aug-2005 | ReincarnatedWhy do lesbians like to be reincarnated as whales?
So they can have 10 foot tongues and breathe out of the tops of their heads.
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Brandi J. Austin on 09-Aug-2005 | HarrassmentA man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this she can't stand it any longer! The woman goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man and explains why.
The supervisor is puzzled by this and says, "What's wrong with the co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "He's a midget!"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Matt S. N/A on 09-Aug-2005 | OuchJoe, a successful man by most standards, began to be bothered by some incredible headaches.
When both his professional life and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who claimed he could solve the problem.
"The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles," said the doctor.
Joe was shocked and depressed, but decided he had no choice but to accept the operation.
He left the hospital wearing a diaper under his clothing, but his mind was clear and no headache.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He decided then and there that he could make a new beginning and live a more fulfilling life.
As he walked past a men's clothing store, he thought, "That's what I need, a new suit." Joe entered the shop and told the salesman: "I'd like to see some of your suits."
The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see . . . size 44 long."
Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job," replied the salesman. Joe tried on the suit and it fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure . . "
The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see . . . .34 sleeve and 17 neck."
Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"
It's my job," said the salesman. Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
As Joe looked in the mirror and adjusted the collar, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?"
Joe was on a roll, so he said, "Sure . . . "
The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see. . 9 Wide."
Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job," said the salesman. Joe was feeling great, when the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"
Joe thought for a second, and said, "Sure . . . "
The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see ... size 36." Joe laughed and said, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head and said, "You shouldn't wear a size 34. Eventually it will press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Yisman and calamjo
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