One day a guy goes to a whore house and says to the pimp that runs the place, "I'm really, really horny and I only have a buck fifty"
The pimp replies follow me my man ill hook you up he leads him to a room and unlocks it he walks into the room to find a duck he hesitates "a duck he thinks?" but since he's really horny and he can't get anything better, he unzips himself and start humping away in the duck
The guy finishes zips up and leaves the next day he comes in with five bucks and asks for a live sex show. The pimp leads him to a room with a large audience and on stage there is a guy fucking a goat. He laughs his head off and says to a guy sitting next to him "This is the funniest thing I've ever seen!"
The other guy quickly replies, "You should've been here yesterday -- there was a guy fucking a duck!!!"
A dentist I know recounts sharing this story with an elderly lady, just as he was putting on his rubber gloves:
"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"
She said, "No."
"Well," he spoofed, "down in Puerto Rico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the natives walk up to the tank, and dip their hands in -- and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up -- then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and go around again."
She didn't laugh a bit.
Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop working on her teeth because she burst out laughing.
She explained, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"
0 people have rated this joke:
0.00/10
():sex jokes (1888): How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?...
Posted by Michael Youngmark on 13-Aug-2005
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?...
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
How did the blonde die drinking milk? The cow stepped on her.
How did the blonde burn her nose? Bobbing for French fries.
What do you see when you look into a blondes eyes? The back of her head.
What is it when a blonde blows into another blondes ear? Data transfer
Why did the blonde ask her friends to save burned-out light bulbs? She needed them for the darkroom she was building.
Every day this old lady would come home from work and fuck her husband, but one day she came home from work and he was dead. So she chopped off his dick and stapled it to the bathroom wall. One day while she was fucking the dick, a man in the house next door saw her through the window and had an idea.
While she was at work the next day, cut a hole in the wall and put his dick in it, where the other dick was. When she came home, she went into the bathroom and cut off the dick, saying "come on honey we're moving house".
0 people have rated this joke:
0.00/10
():sex jokes (1888): This guy walks in to a bar and orders a beer....
Posted by stew pid on 13-Aug-2005
This guy walks in to a bar and orders a beer....
This guy walks in to a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands it to him, and pushes over a bowl of peanuts. The man is having a sip of his beer when he hears a tiny voice say "nice tie." He quickly looks around but sees nothing.
He takes another sip when he hears "nice hat too." He quickly puts down the beer, but there's no one around, so he asks the bartender, "I keep hearing a tiny voice saying nice things, whats going on?"
The bartender nods understandingly and says, "Oh, its the peanuts, they're complimentary."
A lady goes to the doctor and complains her husband is losing interest in sex. He gives her a pill but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it in his mashed potatoes at dinner. At dinner that night, she does just that.
About a week later she's back at the doctor and tells him, "The pill worked great! I put it in his mashed potatoes like you said. It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, pushed all the food and dishes to the floor, grabbed me, ripped off all my clothes and ravaged me right there on the table."
The doctor says, "Oh dear -- I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages."
The lady replied, "Nah, that's okay. We're not welcome back at Denny's anyway."
