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| Posted by Jason M. Javens on 09-Aug-2005 | With that?The wife had had a hard day with the kids, her husband came home in a foul mood, and not much was said at all during a dinner which no one seemed to like.
After the kids were bathed and bedded, she took a long, leisurely bath and crawled into bed, only to have an unwashed, slightly drunken husband come into the bedroom, rip off his clothes, climb into bed and drop on top of her.
"Get off of me, will you?" she demanded.
"What's the matter, am I hurting you?" the husband demanded to know.
"No, you're not hurting me, you're annoying me. How in the heck did you ever imagine you could hurt me with THAT?"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
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| Posted by Dv_ on 09-Aug-2005 | Blue collar poemOh husband, dear husband, I tremble with fear; You've been on overtime almost all year; And since you are gone till way late at night, A good piece of ass seems way out of sight.
Oh husband, dear husband, please don't be a fool; Working overtime is wasting your tool; For better it is to be poor all your life, Than bring a soft peter home to your wife;
I used to be happy as your little queen, But now every night you're nowhere to be seen; You come home from work just able to creep,
I feel like screwing, but you want to sleep.
Each evening, dear husband, you crawl into bed, Your intentions are good, but your peter is dead; I play with your pecker all wrinkled and dry,
I get so damn mad, I could lay down and cry.
I have pleaded with you dear, with tears in my eyes, I've played with your balls, but your pecker won't rise; So I'll find me a man who works eight hours a day, And while you're at work, we'll proceed to make hay.
For in this whole world there is only one sin, For which there's no pardon, and never has been; And that is a man who is so foolish and mean, That he gives up his screwing to run a machine.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Clark Kent
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| Posted by Tom E. McGinty on 09-Aug-2005 | Man of the houseThe husband had just finished his book, "Man of the house."
He stormed into the house and walked directly up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!
I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward.
Then, after dinner you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
His wife replied, "The funeral director."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by axelwang
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| Posted by cherry lover on 09-Aug-2005 | Get out of itA big game hunter goes on safari with his wife and his mother-in-law. One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone.
Immediately, she awakens up her husband and they both set off to find the old woman.
Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there's the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocious lion!
"Quick, darling," the wife shouts frantically, "Do something!"
"Oh, no," the husband says, "That lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out!"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Kelli on 09-Aug-2005 | Young brideThe 70-year old groom and the 25-year old bride attracted raised eyebrow attention as they checked into the resort hotel.
Next morning at eight sharp, the groom came into the dining room whistling a gay tune, sat down at a table and ordered ham and eggs.
The smile on his face and the twinkle in his eye told everybody present that he was happy and confident.
Fifteen minutes later the young bride slowly trudged into the dining room and seated herself across from her 70-year old. Her face was drawn and her voice weak as she ordered toast and coffee.
The groom, now finished, excused himself and strolled into the lobby for his morning cigar.
As the waitress approached with the bride's toast and coffee, she said, "Honey, I don't understand it. Here you a young bride with an old husband, looking like you've encountered a buzz saw."
"That guy," said the bride, "double crossed me. He told me he saved up for 60 years and I thought he was talking about money!"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Pippi Longstocking on 09-Aug-2005 | Two couplesTwo Irish couples who have been friends for years decide to spend the weekend at a fancy hotel.
When they get there, one of the husbands suggests they get a little wild and swap partners.
After two hours of solid sex by the fireside, the man turns to his new partner and says, Wow! This is the best sex I've had in years.
"Yeah," his new companion agrees.
"I wonder how the girls are doing."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
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