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| Posted by Shannon H. Holiskey on 10-Aug-2005 | Woman an ManWoman: If you were my husband I'd poison your coffee.
Man: And if you were my wife, I'd drink it.
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| Posted by Melinda s. Nowlin on 10-Aug-2005 | Meeting the FamilyA girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her
parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend
that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip
to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an
hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to
buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack
because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent??™s house and meets his
girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on
in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's
parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. Ten
minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with
his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had
no idea you were this religious???.
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a
pharmacist."
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| Posted by Kevin T. Cargill on 10-Aug-2005 | A bachelorA bachelor named Steve who lived at home with his mother and pet cat went on a
trip to Europe. Before he left, he told his best friend to inform him of any
emergencies. A few days after his departure, his cat climbed up on the roof,
fell off, and was killed. His friend immediately wired him with the message:
"Your cat died!"
In a few hours, Steve was back home, having cut his trip short in grief and in
anger at his friend. He told his friend, "Why didn't you break the news to me
gradually? You know how close I was to my cat! You could have sent the message
'Your cat climbed up on the roof today,' and the next day you could've written
'Your cat fell off the roof' and let me down slowly that he died."
After a quick memorial service, the bachelor left again to continue his trip.
A few days into his trip, he returns to his hotel and there's a message waiting
for him from his friend.
The message read, "Your mother climbed up on the roof today???.
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| Posted by LATiNguRL1987 on 10-Aug-2005 | Golfing With CowsA man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a
five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like
this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my
wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.
"We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed
one of the cows had something white at its rear end.
"I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was
my wife's golf ball -- stuck right in the middle of the cow's
butt. That's when I made my mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks
like yours!'"
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| Posted by William S. McDarmont on 10-Aug-2005 | Two evil brothersThere were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep
their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church, and looked
to be perfect Christians.
Then, their pastor retired, and a new one was hired. Not only could he see
right through the brothers' deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the
church started to swell in numbers. A fund-raising campaign was started to build
a new assembly.
All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out
the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount
needed to finish paying for the new building.
"I have only one condition," he said. "At his funeral, you must say my brother
was a saint." The pastor gave his word, and deposited the check.
The next day, at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. "He was an evil
man," he said. "He cheated on his wife and abused his family." After going on in
this vein for a small time, he concluded with,
"But, compared to his brother, he was a saint???.
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():love jokes (2491): A man with his pregnant wife |
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| Posted by Toria C on 10-Aug-2005 | A man with his pregnant wifeA man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when
his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw
his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bedside.
He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, "Don't worry,
everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a
real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife
were unconscious, I named them for you."
The husband was thinking to himself, "Oh no, what has he done now?" and said
with trepidation, "Well what did you name them?"
The brother replied, "I named the little girl Denise???.
The husband, relieved, said, "That's a very pretty name! What did you come up
with for my son?"
The brother replied, "Denephew???.
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