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| Posted by Justin Collingwood on 14-Aug-2005 | Woman WishesA woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog.
The frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there is a condition to your wishes -- that whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times more or better!"
The woman said, "That would be okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, women will flock to him like bees to honey."
The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me. So, "KAZAM" -- she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and
he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said, "That will be okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, "KAZAM"-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever bitches. Don't mess with them.
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():gender jokes (1878): How to Talk About Men & Still be Politically Correct |
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| Posted by Olga Baczynski on 14-Aug-2005 | How to Talk About Men & Still be Politically CorrectHe does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN
He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He investigates ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIALINVERSION.
He is not a SEX MACHINE - He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED.
He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.
He does not UNDRESS YOU WITH HIS EYES - He has an INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENT.
He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED
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():gender jokes (1878): Top Ten things Men would do if they had a vagina for a day |
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| Posted by Joe Fallica on 14-Aug-2005 | Top Ten things Men would do if they had a vagina for a day10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8. See if they could finally do the splits
7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping-pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes BEFORE closing time.
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.
1. Finally find that damned G-spot.
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():gender jokes (1878): Top Ten Things Women Would Do If They Had a Penis For a Day |
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| Posted by albert on 14-Aug-2005 | Top Ten Things Women Would Do If They Had a Penis For a Day10. Get ahead faster in the corporate world.
9. Get a blow job.
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. Determine why you can't hit the bowl consistently.
5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4. Touch/shift yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eye and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
1. Repeat number 9.
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| Posted by Keisha Suveges on 14-Aug-2005 | Women Vs. MenWhy does a man have a clear conscience?
Because it's never used.
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| Posted by Pretzelkin on 14-Aug-2005 | The Images of a Mother4 YEAR OLD: My Mommy can do anything!
8 YEAR OLD: My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEAR OLD: My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 YEAR OLD: Naturally, my Mother doesn't know that, either.
16 YEAR OLD: Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 YEAR OLD: That old woman? She's way out of date!
25 YEAR OLD: Well, she might know a little bit about it.
35 YEAR OLD: Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
45 YEAR OLD: Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
65 YEAR OLD: Wish I could talk it over with Mom.....
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