|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by caleb repko on 11-Aug-2005 | Woman's Quote of the DayWoman's Quote of the Day:
"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with"
Men's Counter-Quote of the Day:
"Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Dfg Dfb on 11-Aug-2005 | Gender of ComputersThe gender of computers
An inquisitive researcher, who enjoyed sailing, was aware that ships are addressed as 'she' and 'her'. He often wondered in what gender computers should be addressed.. To answer that question, he set up two groups of computer experts. The first was comprised of women, and the second of men.
Each group was asked to recommend whether computers should be referred to in the feminine gender, or the masculine gender. They were asked to give 4 reasons for their recommendation.
The group of women reported that the computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.
The men, on the other hand, concluded that Computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Kellen C. Dunbar on 11-Aug-2005 | Friendship TestFirst things first:
NO CHEATING Don't cheat.
This is a little game that has a pretty funny/creepy outcome. Don't read ahead, just do it in order. It takes about 3 minutes It's worth it.
It's kinda eerie....
First, Get a blank piece of paper and pen.
P.S. When you are asked to choose names, make sure it's people you ACTUALLY KNOW, and go with your first instincts!
Scroll down one line at a time - don't read ahead or you'll ruin the fun!!
1.) First, write the numbers 1 through 11 in a column.
2.) Then, beside numbers 1 and 2, write any two numbers you want.
3.) Beside the 3 and 7, write down the names of members of the opposite sex (or same sex if you're gay). Don't look ahead-or it won't turn out right.
4.) Write anyone's name (like friends or family...) in the 4th, 5th and 6th spots. Don't cheat or you'll be upset that you did.
5.) Write down four song titles in 8, 9, 10 and 11.
6.) Finally, make a wish
And here is the key for that game..
1.) You must tell (the number in space 2) people about this game
2.) The person in space 3 is the one that you love.
3.) The person in 7 is one you like but can't work out.
4.) You care most about the person you put in 4.
5.) The person you name in number 5 is the one who knows you very well.
6.) The person you name in 6 is your lucky star.
7.) The song in 8 is the song that matches with the person in number 3.
8.) The title in 9 is the song for the person in 7.
9.) The tenth space is the song that tells you most about your mind.
10.) And 11 is the song telling how you feel about life.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by |]rE/-|/|Er on 11-Aug-2005 | Electric ChairA chemist, a biologist and an electrical engineer were on death row waiting
to go in the electric chair. The chemist was brought forward first.
"Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner,
strapping him in.
"No," replied the chemist. The executioner flicked the switch and
nothing happened.
Under this particular State's law, if an execution attempt fails, the
prisoner is to be released, so the chemist was released.
Then the biologist was brought forward.
"Do you have anything you want to say?"
"No, just get on with it."
The executioner flicked the switch, and again nothing happened, so the
biologist was released.
Then the electrical engineer was brought forward.
"Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner.
"Yes," replied the engineer. "If you swap the red and the blue wires over,
you might make this thing work."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Mike J. Rees on 11-Aug-2005 | PeriodLittle Johnny's teacher told the class to go home and find something interesting to tell the class for the next day. The next day when the teacher told Johnny to tell his story, he went up to the blackboard and drew a period. The teacher asked Johnny what was so interesting about a period. Johnny stood up and replied "I don't know, but this morning when my sister said she missed one, mom fainted, dad fell down the stairs, and the guy next door shot himself!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Cara A. Wegimont on 11-Aug-2005 | CIA CandidatesThe CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks,
interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a
woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large
metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your
instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will
find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went
into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with
tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to
kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard,
one shot after another. Then the agents heard screaming, crashing, and
banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and
there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said,
"This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
