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| Posted by Slider1489 on 09-Aug-2005 | You Have The BrakesA trucker who had driven his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill and was just starting down the equally steep other side when he noticed a man and a woman lying in the center road, making love.
He blew his air horn several times as he was bearing down on them.
Realizing that they were not about to get out of his way he slammed on his brakes and stopped just inches from them.
Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walked to the front of the cab and looked down at the two, still in the road, and yelled, "What the hell's the matter with you two?
Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could've been killed!"
The man on the highway, obviously satisfied and not too concerned, looked up and said, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."
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| Posted by David J. Nicholson on 09-Aug-2005 | Ever Growing PenisWhen the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist.
While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery.
The patient's wife anxiously rushed up to the doctor after the examination and was told of the diagnosis and the need for surgery.
"How long will he be on crutches?" she asked.
"Crutches???" the doctor asked.
"Well, yes," the woman said "You are going to lengthen his legs, aren't you?"
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| Posted by Hash Brown on 09-Aug-2005 | Pamela Vs HillaryIn an interview, Pamela Anderson said that if she were Hillary, she would have left President Clinton a long time ago.
In response, Clinton said, "Well if Pamela Anderson were Hillary, nothing would ever have happened in the first place!"
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| Posted by K F on 09-Aug-2005 | OJ's ThanksgivingWhy was OJ's mom happy that OJ got out of jail before Thanksgiving?
He was the only one in the family that could carve white meat.
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| Posted by Mike Hunt on 09-Aug-2005 | NIGHTMARE #1After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.
Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.
Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."
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| Posted by Jennifer L. Miller on 09-Aug-2005 | Designer VaginaWith yet another young man in her life Elizabeth Taylor decided that in her advancing years she needed to tighten up her vaginal area.
She put her trust in her plastic surgeon of 30 years standing, the one who had carried out her face-lifts, boob jobs and ass-lifts. Sworn to secrecy, he agreed that no-one but him would ever know.
He carried out the delicate operation, carefully slicing away strips of the loose folds of skin. It is a long operation!
Liz awakes the next morning to see 3 "get well soon" cards on her bedside table. She is appalled and demands to see the doctor. "No-one but you should know about this! You have let me down", she says.
"Ah" says the doc," this card is from my wife and I wishing you a speedy recovery." "How nice ", says Liz." Thank you - what a nice thought."
"The second card is from old Madge the cleaner who has cleaned up after all your previous operations - she is to be trusted."
"What a beautiful thought , from such a humble person -I'm really touched", says Liz. "
???But who is the 3rd card from?" asks Liz.
"Oh", says the doctor, "that's from Evander Holyfield -- thanking you for his new ears!!!"
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