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():gay jokes (100): You Know You're in San Francisco When... |
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| Posted by Gelfling on 14-Aug-2005 | You Know You're in San Francisco When...You know you're in San Francisco when.....
Your co-worker tells you they have 8 body piercings but none are
visible.
When someone says TENDERLOIN- you don't think of steak. You
think of danger.
You make over $100,000 and still can't afford a house.
You take a bus and are shocked at 2 people carrying on a
conversation in English.
You never bother looking at the MUNI line schedule because you
know the drivers have never seen it.
You can't remember....is pot illegal?
You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers
and a sperm donor.
You have a very strong opinion where your coffee beans are grown
and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian.
A really great parking space can move you to tears.
You know that anyone wearing shorts in April is just visiting
from Ohio.
You assume every company offers domestic partner benefits. Your
child's 3rd grade teacher has two pierced ears, a nose ring and
is named "Breeze." And, after telling that to a friend, they
still need to ask if the teacher is male or female.
You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide
between yoga, aromatherapy, conversational mandarin or a
building your web site class.
You haven't been to Fisherman's Wharf since the first month you
moved to SF and you couldn't figure out how to drive to Coit
Tower if your life depended on it.
A man walks on MUNI in full leather regalia and crotchless
chaps. You don't notice.
A woman walks on MUNI with live poultry. You don't notice.
You think any guy with a George Clooney haircut must be visiting
from the midwest.
You know that any woman with a George Clooney haircut is not a
tourist.
You keep a list of companies to boycott.
Your hairdresser is gay, your plumber is gay, the woman who
delivers your mail is straight and your Mary Kay Lady is a guy
in drag.
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| Posted by Leah Pavo on 14-Aug-2005 | The Golf GameOne day two gay guys decide to go play golf. One guy hits the
ball and it hits this really big guy right between the legs. The
guys go over and start telling him how sorry they are and that
they would do anything to make up for it and they just go on and
on until the guy yells at them and says, "Suck my dick!!" The gay
guy looks at his buddy and says, "Oh wait Jimmy, he wants to make
a deal!!"
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| Posted by Basil F. Cadbury on 14-Aug-2005 | Lesbian JokesWhat do you call 2 lesbians trapped in a cabinet....
A licker cabinet
What is the difference between a wheat thin and a lesbian....
one is a snack cracker, the other is a crack snacker
How do you hold your liquer....
by the ears
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| Posted by Shane Gonz on 14-Aug-2005 | bob goes to heveanOne day Bob, the only gay man to ever die went to hevan. st.
peter had a line of 3 people. so he said he would only let the
best person in.
the first man in line said that he was a preist and donated 50%
of his money to charity and helped out at homeless shelters
every week.
the second man said that he was police man that saved at least
200 peoples lives and work overtime for no pay at all and he
donated 30,000 dallors to cahrity a year.
bob said he was a gay man who was a ceo of a company and he only
donated 10 dallors a year even though he had millons.
St. peter let bob into hevean. the 2 other men were very angry.
the ask st peter why he had let bob, for they were both much
much better than bob.
St. peter said " bob is the first gay man to die. i have been
waiting for a gay man to die for 1000s of years. im getting a
little horny.
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| Posted by S W on 14-Aug-2005 | Joyous Bells There were 10 priests who had died around the same time,
and God, to test their loyalty, had tied bells to each of the 10
priests wangs and make each watch pornography (in case you
didn't know, priests are not supposed to want any sexual
relations with anyone). If one was to get a boner, the bell
would ring, and
he would be sent to hell.
As each priest went one by one, no bells rang, until the
last priest was put to the test. Boy was that bell ringin and
immediately God had pulled the priest out and scolded at him,
telling him how he was not loyal. In nervousness the priest's
bell had fallen, "Pick up your bell now!" yelled God, and as the
priest bent over to pick up his bell, 9 bells rang...
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| Posted by Jose on 14-Aug-2005 | Ol' Kelly the CookA traveling salesman stops for the night in a tiny town. He is
feeling unbelievably horny, so he goes to the local bar to scope
out to local females. When he gets there he finds that there are
no women in the bar, and after a few drinks no women have come
in. Come to think of it, he can't remember seeing any women in
the entire town. So he asks the bartender where he can find some
women.
"Sorry," the bartender replies, "there aren't any women in this
town, only ol' Kelly cook, out back"
"Hey, I'm not like that!" shouts the man, slightly offended.
After a few more drinks he is feeling even hornier, and once
again pleads with the bartender about where he can find some
women.
"Sorry," the bartender replies, "there aren't any women in this
town, only ol' Kelly cook, out back."
"I already told you, I'm not like that!"
The man sucks down a few more drinks and, now slightly drunk and
incredibly horny, says to the bartender, "Com' on, there's GOT
to be some women in this town. I've got money, I can pay for
one."
"I'm sorry," the bartender replies again, "there aren't any
women in this town, only ol' Kelly cook, out back"
"I'M NOT LIKE THAT!!!!!" he screams, but, overcome with
horniness the man turns back to the bartender and concedes,
"alright! How do I get to ol' Kelly the cook?"
"Okay, go out back," the bartender explains. Pointing towards
two large men he continues, "Joe and Bruno here will bring out
ol' Kelly the cook."
"What are Joe and Bruno for?" asks the man, confused.
"They're to hold him down. Ol' Kelly the cook isn't like that
either."
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