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| Posted by Jay Knite on 14-Aug-2005 | YummY PickuP LineS...Use these on ...ME... :) or anyone else...
1. nice shoes, wanna fuck?
2. if my left leg was christmas and my right leg was
thanksgiving, would you visit in between the holidays?
3. do you work for u.p.s. cause i can see you checking out my
package.
4. how do you like your eggs in the morning?
5. do you have a mirror in your pocket cause i can see myself in
your pants.
6. Can I buy you a drink or would you just like the money?
7. Just approach the woman, don't say anything and read the tag
on the collar of her shirt. When she asks what you are doing,
just say "I'm checking to see if you're made in heaven."
8. Nice legs what time do they open!!
9. If you were a tear in my eye... I'd never cry, for fear that
I'd lose you!
10.(Look into her eyes and say) Heaven needs to check their list
because they have to be missing an angel.
11. "You look like my first wife." When they say, 'how many
times have you been married', you say, " None yet "
12.Walk up to a girl and start rubbing her back When she asks
what you are doing, answer, kind of disappointed: I thought
angels had wings.
13.Is your daddy a thief? (Why?) Because he stole the stars from
the sky and put them in your eyes.
14. Do you believe in love at first site, or do I have to walk
by again?
15. Would you like to dance? [she says "no"] No, you must have
misunderstood me, I SAID, you look fat in those pants!
17. Do you know the difference between a Big Mac and a Blow Job?
[No] What are you doing for lunch tomorrow?
18. God must be crying right now. [Why?] Because he just lost an
angel.
20. Have you ever been kissed on the navel? [Yes!] From the
inside?
21. If I followed you home would you keep me?
22. Hi there, do you live on a chicken farm? 'Cause you sure
know how to raise cocks!
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| Posted by phil jones on 14-Aug-2005 | Horsy RideOne day, little Johnny comes home from kindergarten for lunch.
Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he
heads upstairs to check her bedroom. He opens the door, and what
does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch,
stripped naked, on top of his mother, also naked, heavily into
the act of lovemaking. Not wanting to traumatize the boy, the
parents continue as if nothing was wrong.
Little Johnny watches, and after a couple of minutes asks,
"Daddy, can I climb on and have a horsy ride?" "Of course, Son,
we're a family." So Little Johnny climbs on. After a few more
minutes his mother starts moaning and writhing wildly. "Hang on
Dad!" cries Little Johnny, "this is where me and the mailman
usually fall off!"
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| Posted by matt D on 14-Aug-2005 | Lots of Q and AQ: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.
Q: What's the ultimate rejection?
A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning,
"Lie to me!"
Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on
the outside?
A: K9P.
Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a
minute ago."
Q: What did the potato chip say to the battery?
A: If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.
Q: What's another name for pickled bread?
A: Dill-dough
Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming.
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| Posted by Katie Cramer on 14-Aug-2005 | StorksTwo storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The
baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him.
"Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people
babies and making them happy."
The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are
sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying "Son,
your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to
new mommies and daddies."
A few days later, the stork's parents are desperate: their son is absent
from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents
ask him where he's been all night.
The baby stork says, "Nowhere. Just scaring the shit out of college
students!"
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| Posted by Suck Balls on 14-Aug-2005 | Is Sex Work or Play?A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure
if sex is work or play. He asks a priest for his opinion on this question.
The priest says after consulting the Bible," My son, after an exhaustive
search I am positive sex is work and is not permitted on Sundays."
The man thinks: " What does a priest know of sex?" He goes to minister...
a married man, experienced .. for the answer.
He queries the minister and receives the same reply.. Sex is work and not
for the Sabbath!
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority: a man of
thousands of years tradition and knowledge...A Rabbi.
The Rabbi ponders the question and states,"My son, sex is definitely play."
The man replies," Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell
me sex is work?!"
The Rabbi softly speaks," If sex were work ... my wife would have the maid
do it.
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| Posted by Josh Price on 14-Aug-2005 | Morning troubleJoe woke up one morning and looked for his wife, but his wife
wasn't here. She had awakened and was preparing breakfast in the
kitchen. Joe was afraid he might spoil 'the moment' by getting
up, so he called his little boy and sent this note to his wife:
THE TENT POLE IS UP, THE CANVAS IS SPREAD,
THE HELL WITH BREAKFAST, COME BACK TO BED.
The wife answered the note and sent it back by the boy. It read:
TAKE THE TENT POLE DOWN. PUT THE CANVAS AWAY.
THE MONKEY HAD A HEMORRHAGE. NO CIRCUS TODAY.
So he sent another note down. It read:
THE TENT POLE'S STILL UP AND THE CANVAS STILL SPREAD
SO DROP WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND COME GIVE ME SOME HEAD.
To which she replied:
I'M SURE THAT YOUR POLE'S THE BEST IN THE LAND
BUT I'M BUSY RIGHT NOW SO DO IT BY HAND !
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